Just how bizarre was this past year on which we just made our final payment last week? Based on how many people I know who did not even care about New Year's Eve celebrations, it seems we were all just numbed to all the mayhem.
As we occupy ourselves with the major news events on the regular, what seems to happen right before our eyes is the ephemeral nature of the news cycle. Our days are filled both with the larger overriding stories as well as the brief hits which come across the newsfeed but get overshadowed by the next hyped story. After a time, the year became a blur.
This has been a year filled with hype and hysteria, and we cataloged so much that the mental filing cabinet overlooks much of it as we flip the calendar. Yes, the riot on January 6 was a big deal – so big that the press is STILL talking about it. We endured bad weather, bad election coverage, numerous show trials with questionable importance, and the ever-present ongoing pandemic drama. A lot of crap went on!
The media were deeply busy all year, buoyed by the excitement of the arrival of Joe Biden, who really, really liked them! We knew we would be in for a bizarre year from journalists when the National Press Club announced Lisa Nicole Matthews would become the new president of the organization. As she was installed, Matthews was sworn in by Dan Rather, with her right hand placed on the AP Stylebook. Yes, that actually happened.
With that introduction to the year under new leadership, it is not too surprising the days unfurled with numerous unforeseen twists amid predictable biased coverage and all sorts of odd visuals along the way. Here is a less than comprehensive rundown of what we just experienced.
JANUARY
- The press screamed "insurrection" for the past 12 months, but funny – they were not so bothered by Pelosi's actual coup attempt.
- Trump was banned from Twitter over concerns it could lead to violence. The Taliban account is permitted to remain active.
- Parler de-platformed and dolts in the media actually cheer the silencing of voices because they are so clever.
- Actor Armie Hammer faced an anonymous claim that he was a cannibal. The only thing more odd was it being proven true.
- Senator Bernie Sanders at the Biden inauguration became everybody's meme.
- Subway is sued because its tuna fish contains pork, chicken, and beef. The real surprise – there was actual meat in a Subway product.
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- A bunch of Reddit users ruined hedge fund managers by buying GameStop stocks.
FEBRUARY
- Singer The Weekend was lost in a light-up maze during the Super Bowl halftime show.
- Tessica Brown became known as "Gorilla Glue Girl" when she went on social media and admitted using the adhesive as a hairspray. After pondering a lawsuit, the inept beauty expert released her own line of hair care products.
- Congress decided to go forward with impeaching the man who was no longer in office. The attempt failed, and Trump managed to remain not being president.
- Senator Ted Cruz was torched for flying his family to Cancun during the freak winter storm in Texas instead of remaining to let them freeze without power.
- The US Postal Service unveiled the new design of its delivery trucks. People hated them, and lawsuits flew over the contract to make them.
- NFL Quarterback Tom Bady becomes likable for the first time by getting blasted drunk during the Super Bowl celebration parade and throwing the trophy to another boat.
MARCH
- On International Women's Day, Burger King tries to promote a program of more females in the foodservice industry, but by saying, "Women belong in the kitchen," the company was called sexist instead.
- Oprah interviews Prince Harry and Meghan for some reason. After getting two full hours on national television with a global celebrity that was watched by millions, Harry came out and decried the First Amendment.
- It became a bigger thing that people do not recognize skateboard legend Tony Hawk in public.
- People got so consumed that someone found shrimp in their breakfast cereal.
- Woke activists declared Dr. Seuss books should be banned. Months later, these same people accused parents of wanting books removed from CRT curriculums to be book burners.
- Miami Beach had a state of emergency when pent-up collegians went out of control on Spring Break.
- For a week, a freighter was stuck sideways in the Suez Canal.
APRIL
- The Georgia election law prompts Major League Baseball to move the All-Star Game from Atlanta because of racism. The league moves it from an area with heavy POC-owned businesses to the far whiter Denver, in a state with even more restrictive voting laws.
- "60 Minutes" slams Florida Governor Ron DeSantis over vaccines being made available in Publix stores, alleging pay-to-play – by giving them away for free. The story was so bad it was debunked BEFORE it even aired on a Sunday night.
- Biden pushes his massive spending bill in Congress. The country reacts to everything being included by saying mocking things such as, "My bar bill is infrastructure."
- The census results show California and Illinois will lose a House seat. This leads to the press saying GOP states gerrymandering threatens our democracy. Democrat-run states are fine.
- At one point, Randy Quaid and Caitlyn Jenner were to run for the California Governor runoff race.
- On Mars, NASA conducts a helicopter flight on the surface. On Earth, two months earlier, a United Airlines plane lost its engine over Denver.
MAY
- Elon Musk was a guest on Saturday Night Live – offended cast members were given the opportunity to take the week off.
- The Biden's visited a miniature version of Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter.
- The Golden Globes was dropped by NBC amid controversy with the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. After years of major scandals, action was finally taken because the group was not woke enough.
- A fuel crisis is created when the Colonial pipeline is hacked and shut down. Later, after it was resolved, we were told there was no negotiating with hackers, but they had, in fact, been paid off from the very start.
- Cicadas emerge in their historical pattern. On CNN, Brianna Keilar has a chef on to teach how to prepare the insects as food. He is then promptly unemployed for the next 17 years.
- Tennis star Naomi Osaka pulled out of the French Open due to mental health concerns and cited interactions with the press as a contributing factor. Many members of the media criticized themselves, and the athlete who said, "Anyone that knows me knows I'm introverted" next went on to appear on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.
- A Chinese booster rocket fell from space orbit, creating concerns it could have impacted residential areas. The Chinese blamed it on an exotic animal food market.
- Kentucky Derby winner Medina Spirit is disqualified over drug use, and HOF trainer Bob Baffert is suspended.
JUNE
- In the name of furniture inclusiveness, IKEA released its line of bisexual couches.
- Bill Cosby has his sentence commuted. No announcement that Jell-O pudding pops will make a return.
- Dr. Fauci's book is removed from presales when emails released show numerous contradictions to his narrative. Why this, and not his previous contradictions caused action to be taken is unclear.
- Biden meets the Queen and leaves on his sunglasses.
- The Supreme Court ruled college athletes could actually be compensated financially. The news was opposed by Clemson head coach Dabo Swinney, who makes over $9 million a year.
- The intelligence community released formerly classified documents on UFOs, and nothing at all is proven or disproven, so everyone will keep talking about what they do not know.
- Biden meets with Putin and his goons rough up the American press. Few people are bothered by this.
JULY
- The White House tried selling us on the idea our July 4 cookout would be $0.16 cheaper.
- Off the coast of Mexico, the ocean caught fire. It was due to a natural gas leak, and environmentalists tried to blame capitalism, except the Pemex corporation is the state-run energy outfit – but whatevs.
- Netflix debuts the dating show "Sexy Beasts," where people go on blind dates dressed up like college football mascots. (One was a porpoise – with gill slats!) This program was an embarrassment, a shameful serving of cheese, and a cultural blight – so of course, there was a sequel made.
- Mark Zuckerberg was on a wakeboard with the American flag.
- Democrats in the Texas legislature embark on the Flee-ibuster, blocking the state abortion bill by bravely going on vacation.
- The M. Night Shyamalan movie "Old" had a new generation bothered by the director's gimmicky films.
- Some thought the cardboard beds in the Olympics were to prevent sex and the spread of Covid.
- Scarlett Johannson sues Disney for streaming her movie, which impacted her cut of the theatrical box office.
- Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos take suborbital non-space flights, showing everyone that space travel is a realistic endeavor for all everyday billionaires. Brian Stelter brags his "Reliable Sources" program had its highest ratings – when the show was pushed aside so he could cover the Branson mission live.
AUGUST
- Matt Damon declared he was a good father by pledging to no longer use a homophobic slur, then later said he never actually used the word.
- A general discussion through Hollywood was whether taking regular showers was proper. So much so that a site actually compiles a list of stars and their stance on the issue.
- MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell held his election symposium that was going to lead to SCOTUS unanimously overturning the election. The end result was so murky that the only people who noticed were at CNN.
- "Jeopardy!" had drama about the new host, who was the producer, but then he had bad things he said in his past, and…zzzzzzzzzz.
- Andrew Cuomo is forced to resign. It shocks everyone because he was a Democrat.
- OnlyFans bans porn under pressure from banks, then reverses the decision under pressure of no one ever going back to the site.
- The milk crate challenge becomes viral, leading to shock that so many people had access to so many milk crates.
- The baby on the cover of Nirvana's "Nevermind" sues the band over being sexually exploited.
SEPTEMBER
- Joe Rogan contracted Covid. The press became upset when he was cured using a medical cocktail journalists did not approve of him using.
- The original host of "Blue's Clues" resurfaced.
- AOC wears her insipid dress to support indigenous designers at a theme of "In America" made by a rich Canadian. The designer of the "Tax the Rich" dress is in a relationship with the billionaire scion of the Seagrams fortune.
- Nicki Minaj discusses the Covid vaccine, citing a cousin's friend whose testicles swelled and became impotent. So, you know, science.
- Chris Pratt angered many for insensitively taking on the role of Mario, apparently offending fictional animated video game characters.
- The women's protection organization Time's Up folded once it was revealed the organizers were actually helping Andrew Cuomo defend himself rather than the female victims.
- After years of operation, Ozy Media is exposed as a sham news outlet and becomes shuttered.
OCTOBER
- The Zodiac killer was found. Yes, again.
- The New York Times set off a small brush-firestorm with its "Bad Art Friend" article. It is a slog of a read and a bafflement why so many were even interested in it.
- Dave Chappelle had a new Netflix special that led to a protest at the company headquarters by the people who were not obligated to watch in any way at all.
- Facebook announced it was having a name change. A quality change was not announced.
- Alec Baldwin accidentally killed a cinematographer on the set of a movie that seems to have been at least nearly as disastrous as he is himself.
- In the most impotent political hit job seen in some time, Democrats and The Lincoln Project sent goobers in khaki pants to a Glenn Younkin event to hold tiki torches and pretend to be white supremacists – including a short girl and a black man.
NOVEMBER
- Travis Scott staged the AstroWorld concert that led to numerous deaths.
- Glenn Younkin and other Republicans win elections in Virginia. The voters choosing multiple POC candidates and NOT voting for the lily-white Terry McCauliffe is said to be hateful racism.
- NFTs became the new BitCoin investment options with a touted BlockChain assurance of security. Then we learned there was an NFT heist online.
- While underscoring inflation under Biden, the deflection became, "Who needs 12 gallons of milk per week?!?!"
- Kyle Rittenhouse cried on the stand, and LeBron James was upset.
- Director Ridley Scott blames millennials for his film "The Last Duel" tanking in theaters. He kicks off the practice of lashing out at an audience for a movie underperforming, followed by Adam McKay and "Don't Look Up" (climate change deniers) and Seth Rogen with "Santa Inc." (white supremacists).
- Jack Dorsey steps down from CEO of Twitter, leaving us to ponder how much more the site could actually become WORSE.
- Biden attended the world climate summit in Glasgow. Organizers said action had to be taken immediately. They then spent two weeks haggling over the language used to begin addressing the problem.
- As gas prices rise, Joe Biden releases stocks from the strategic oil reserve. Gas prices promptly rise. Later, the DCCC promotes gas prices plunging 2-cents, down from over $1.20 per-gallon rise over the past year.
DECEMBER
- The new Covid variant arrives. The WHO calls it Omicron, as they passed over "Xi," because it did not want to offend the Chinese – by using that letter in the Greek alphabet.
- Joe Biden ushers in the joyous and warm holiday season by telling the country that due to Omicron, it will be a holiday of severe illness and death.
- The visibly challenging and talent-averse comedy performer Pete Davidson continues to defy reason by dating hot and successful women. His latest paramour is Kim Kardashian, and in keeping with his brand, he is spotted driving her Roll Royce in L.A. to a 7-11 to buy cigarettes. Then he tries buying weed.
- As the Omicron variant throws off COVID claims, the media narrative shifts overnight, as vaccinated people are contracting the virus.
- After months of claiming anti-vaccine people are selfishly using medical assets, in Vermont, the hospitals are flooded with vaccinated people who do not have symptoms looking to get tested.
We hope it is a Merry New Year and you stay abreast of all the media shenanigans daily with the "Riffed from the Headlines" column in the VIP section of Townhall.
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