The world is full of both major irritations and relatively minor ones, and the new tipping regime falls somewhere in the middle. Foreigners don’t tip, at least not the way we do. It’s not a thing in most other countries. But it’s a thing here. That means you should do it. You should tip generously because it’s understood that the people helping you rely on tips, or at least that used to be the understanding. Waiters, cabbies, bellhops – these people were expected to get a little something extra from the customers to help make ends meet, and they made less money hourly because of it. If they were really good at their job, they could do really well, and that’s great. But now, everybody’s got a tip jar out. And I can’t even.
I’m a strong believer that when you tip, you should tip well. It’s a touch of class. I know some people resent tipping, but that’s what you do in the United States in the appropriate context. It’s part of our culture. You should just do it because that’s what’s done, and, at least in the past, the people helping you depended on tips because it was assumed you would.
But you know, when I hit the dry cleaners and there’s a tip jar there, that’s a beg too far. A tip jar at a fast-food place? What the what? That’s crazy talk, especially in California, where you have to pay a McWorker as much as a Goldman Sachs vice president (I can’t imagine getting a tip back when I worked at Mickey D’s for $3.35 an hour). It’s just not a tip-worthy effort to ring up your order, turn around, and hand you your Big Mac. In the hybrid food places where you bring your food, yeah, maybe a little something is appropriate – especially if you are a regular. But at Starbucks? Just making your half-decaf, half-latte espresso and sticking it on the counter is not a tipable event.
Where did this tip tsunami come from? I don’t think I was consulted. Nobody ever asked me about any change in the gratuity paradigm I lived with for the first 55 years of my life. One day, tip jars just sort of appeared everywhere. Then we started seeing tip options coming up on electronic transaction screens. You put up your credit card, and there’s the check amount, and then suddenly you are asked if you want to add a tip. Well, maybe sometimes, but not always.
Here’s my additional beef. They don’t have the tip options that I’m looking for. A proper tip is 15%. I usually go for 20%, but that’s my choice. The 15% gratuity is the understood tip for decent service and has been pretty much forever until about six months ago. But if you get one of these screens, have you noticed how they don’t have 15% as an option anymore? It starts at 18%, with additional options for 20% and 22%. But that’s if you’re lucky. Sometimes it starts at 20% and goes up from there. The idea is to keep you from being that guy who goes and hits the custom tip thing for the regular 15%. I expect it works pretty well.
By the way, a little tipping hint: Use cash when you can. That way, you don’t have to worry about the boss pocketing the credit card payments.
Now, there are circumstances where a 22% or 25% tip is perfectly reasonable, but there are also times when 0% is perfectly reasonable. I probably did a No-Tip five times in my life, and the waiter pretty much had to spit in my food and twerk at me to end up with zilch. But you know, I’d like the option without tapping the little custom button and trying to figure out how not to tip.
It’s just obnoxious that you’re somehow now expected to give 18% minimum. Again, did we as a society decide to change, or was it just imposed upon us without our consent like everything else seems to be? Routine tipping is 15%. I like having the option for 20% because that’s what I usually give – again, I’m not against tipping, I’m for it – but it’s a gratuity. It’s optional. I don’t owe it to anybody. And I shouldn’t have it thrust upon me.
I’m all about making a buck, and if somebody’s willing to give you a tip for ringing up your vape cartridges, lottery tickets, and monster energy drinks at the local QuikiMart, more power to them. But I find it obnoxious that what was once not expected, at least officially, now seems to be officially expected. Hey, I understand adding a mandatory gratuity on a large table. Large tables are a giant hassle and take up a disproportionate amount of time, and if it’s disclosed in advance, that’s just fine. You can eat there or not eat there. It’s part of the bill. But the idea that in other circumstances a tip is effectively mandatory, and if you don’t give one you’re going to get a bunch of side-eye, is not something I can be down with.
But don’t blame the people doing the actual work for today’s tip mania. It’s not the guy bringing you your hot chicken sandwich and garlic fries with extra mayo who programmed the little electronic cash register thing that makes you start out with a tip of 18%. Don’t be a deadbeat. If someone’s waiting on your table and doesn’t pour a glass of Napa Cabernet over your head while calling you a transphobe, you should tip well. One of my tests back in my dating days, which last occurred in the previous century, was I would watch how the woman I was with would treat the help. If she was obnoxious to a waiter or waitress who had no power over you, she was a bad person, and it was only a matter of time before that turned on me. Bad tipping is obnoxious. The people helping you out are working hard. They deserve a good tip. But it’s a tip. Everything is not tipable. It’s optional. It’s a gratuity. No one is entitled to it.
Let’s get back to tipping as usual before we tip over.
Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. Get the eighth volume in the Kelly Turnbull People’s Republic series of conservative action novels set in America after a notional national divorce, the bestselling Amazon #1 Military Thriller, Overlord! And get his new novel of terrorism in America, The Attack!
Look, you need to keep up the fight by joining Townhall VIP right now. You get access to a bunch of great stuff, not the least of which is my extra Wednesday Column, my weekly Stream of Kurtiousness videos every Friday, and the Unredacted podcast every Monday! Plus, some stuff from Larry O’Connor – and a bunch of other stuff.
My super-secret email address is Kurt.Schlichter@townhall.com
