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OPINION

Your Movie Didn’t Bomb Because You’re Gay, It’s Because You’re a Jerk

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

“You’re a homophobe, now buy my product” is not the best sales pitch in the world, but when you’ve got nothing else you go with it because when you’re as dumb as a hammer, everything is a nail. That’s a confusing and convoluted opening sentence, but I wrote it on purpose to illustrate a point – leftists hate you AND desperately want your money and can’t come to terms with that. Return the first and deny the second, leaving them to continue to wrestle with the third. 

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Americans are pretty good at not giving money to people who hold them in contempt, though we’re less good at denying our money to people who look at us like we’re helpless dummies incapable of taking care of ourselves. In fairness to us, we’d pretty much have to listen to zero music or watch nothing on television but old Gunsmoke reruns if we did. 

Of course, I do wish people would recognize not only that someone like Bruce Springsteen thinks you’re too stupid to know what’s in your own self-interest, but also that his music really sucks. 

Still, there are times when the public does see that the “artists” attempting to sell them their products hold them in absolute contempt and shun their product. The movie “Bros” is one such case.

Billed as “the first gay rom-com,” the marketing of Bros expected that to be enough to draw an audience. It didn’t work out. It bombed, bringing in a laughable $4.8 million its opening weekend. That it bombed was the funniest thing about the movie, as far as I’m concerned. 

Of course, I, like the vast majority of the public, didn’t bother to see it. Not because I’m homophobic (I really couldn’t care less who anyone sleeps with as long as they’re of age and willing), but because it looks stupid. When they market it as “important” because of the subject matter I’ve lost all interest, generally speaking.

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Specifically speaking, I have no interest in watching guys make out. I don’t have any interest in watching anyone make out, for that matter, but with guys I have less interest. Add in an obnoxious marketing plan and a jackass leftist like Billy Eichner as the “star” and I’m never going to watch it. 

Eichner, a toxic clown famous for being a jerk to random people on the street, took to his Twitter account once the extent of the movie’s bombing became clear. “Last night I snuck in and sat in the back of a sold out theater playing BROS in LA. The audience howled with laughter start to finish, burst into applause at the end, and some were wiping away tears as they walked out. It was truly magical. Really. I am VERY proud of this movie,” his thread started. Given how poorly the movie did, it’s unlikely there was a theater anywhere in the country that sold out, but whatever.

He then went on to say, “Rolling Stone already has BROS on the list of the best comedies of the 21st century. What’s also true is that at one point a theater chain called Universal and said they were pulling the trailer because of the gay content. (Uni convinced them not to). America, f--k yeah, etc etc.” You can see the excuse-making starting to emerge. And note the “f-America” attitude, nothing new for him, and maybe you begin to see why audiences weren’t interested in his movie.

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Then came the anger. “That’s just the world we live in, unfortunately. Even with glowing reviews, great Rotten Tomatoes scores, an A CinemaScore etc, straight people, especially in certain parts of the country, just didn’t show up for Bros. And that’s disappointing but it is what it is,” the whining continued toward its crescendo. (By the way, movie critics have become one of the most PC groups in the country, so their word carries a fraction of the weight it used to with the public. They praised that all-female Ghostbusters abomination a few years ago because it starred all women even though it sucked.)

“Everyone who ISN’T a homophobic weirdo should go see BROS tonight! You will have a blast! And it *is* special and uniquely powerful to see this particular story on a big screen, esp for queer folks who don’t get this opportunity often. I love this movie so much. GO BROS!!!” he ended. If aliens came to the planet with only movies and television to judge our society by, they’d assume half the country was gay. But somehow Eichner believes “queer folks don’t get this opportunity often”? Insane.

Maybe I am homophobic because I didn’t go, and won’t go. To hell with leftist jerks. Chickens come home to roost, Billy. It has nothing to do with your being gay, it’s because you’re an a-hole. That’s your brand, own it. 

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Derek Hunter is the host of a free daily podcast (subscribe!), host of a daily nationally syndicated radio show, and author of the book, Outrage, INC., which exposes how liberals use fear and hatred to manipulate the masses, and host of the weekly “Week in F*cking Review” podcast where the news is spoken about the way it deserves to be. Follow him on Twitter at @DerekAHunter.

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