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OPINION

Europe Can Buzz Right Off

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/Kin Cheung

Great work, Europe. No really, you’re doing fine. You’ve got British toadies threatening to extradite American citizens for speaking freely and some dork at the European Union threatening an American citizen for daring to have an online interview with one of America’s two major party presidential candidates. That’s going to go over well. Good thinking because Europe can sure afford to alienate the members of one of America’s two political parties.

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The Russians are coming? Hey, sounds like a personal problem, Monsieur Pierre Le Beau and Sir Adrian Wellington Smythe-Grimbsy. Turn off the Eurovision Song Contest and go fight your own damn wars. Or just submit. You have more in common with the Bear than America nowadays. You both arrest people for speaking freely.

The United States and its alleged European allies used to have something in common. Now, the Euros are decrepit subjects oppressing their own native citizenry for the ruling clique to retain power, and Americans are proud and free citizens who refuse to kneel with the guns to make sure we never have to. There’s a big disconnect between us and them, or rather between us and their globalist ruling class that has zero interest in actual democracy. Europeans can submit like sniveling, craven serfs. Not us – and don’t call us to bail you out again either. 

I and millions of Americans spent years sorting out Europe’s issues. But we did not mind. We were protecting the Free World. The Free World stood boldly in opposition to the Unfree World, the world where people were arrested for saying things in prison for having unauthorized beliefs and whose government ignored the will of the people. Today, it’s pretty obvious that Europe is no longer part of the Free World and that it doesn’t want to be. It’s proud of its lack of free speech. Now, England is to free speech what it is to dental hygiene. 

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The Labour Party, in power with a massive majority of seats based on only about a third of the vote, has now made it clear that you have a right to say whatever you think, as long as the Labour Party approves it. It’s currently prosecuting people for saying things. Think about that. We’re allied with and obligated to spill our blood for a country that puts people in jail for years – with one-day trials a day after their arrest – for speaking. For words. It’s barbaric, like something out of a Third World hellhole. 

Now it’s making sense. 

Worse, they somehow think they can apply the same petty fascism that keeps their subjects under their heel to the citizens of America. Some English cop actually threatened Americans with the full power of English law. Well, that isn’t happening. They aren’t exactly the feared redcoats anymore. They are more like Coldplay-loving sissies. And you know what we did to English punks trying to enforce their law when we only had muskets. We got AR15s now, and a hell of a lot of them. Bring it, you limey twerp.

Of course, some alleged Americans, by which I mean Democrats, agree that free speech is a wonderful thing as long as it’s not free at all. One of the many disqualifying video clips of blue falcon Tim A-Walz has him explaining how the First Amendment does not protect against disinformation and harmful speech. In fact, the First Amendment is designed to protect “disinformation and harmful speech” because fascists like Tim Walz call anything they don’t like “disinformation and harmful speech.” I wouldn’t put it beyond our scummy government to cooperate with an attempt to extradite an American citizen who goes online here to express what a garbage continent Europe is. That would be very bad. But we would deal with our own aspiring dictators our own way.

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Fortunately for us and unfortunately for the Europeans, America still has one party that believes in freedom. And among Republicans, the Europeans are now about as popular as Kamala Harris at Willie Brown’s anniversary party. There is a good chance that the GOP will take power and Washington in November. The Eurotrash probably should have thought that through before it started fronting like it had some heat. In addition to looking ridiculous, the Euros have further alienated half of the USA. And they need the USA. Badly.

The Republican Party and its members were once big supporters of NATO. I was a supporter of NATO. I was in NATO. I have a NATO medal, and yes, I understand that NATO is not the EU, which is not Europe, and I don’t care about any of that and neither do the rest of us. What we care about is that we spent decades of being ripped off by the Europeans who were squandering their money on lavish welfare states and gratuities for Third World peasants instead of paying their fair share of the alliance. Now, a lot of Republicans have rethought being Europe's unpaid, unappreciated bodyguard. Some Republicans have made a valiant effort to explain how NATO is a good thing, at least in theory, for the security of the United States. Thanks to the Euros’ impotent threats, they just got the limb sawed off from under them.

Today, we’re defending countries that put people in jail for saying things the government doesn’t like from … countries that put people in jail for saying things the government doesn’t like. Putting aside that defending Europe doesn’t seem to be worth it to the actual Europeans, why would we spill our blood and spend our treasure defending countries where you can go to jail because you post that you don’t like uninvited foreigners going into your country? Where you can be jailed for “anti-establishment rhetoric.” At the end of the day, Vladimir Putin puts people in jail for saying things he doesn’t like, and so does Kier Starmer.

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No, they are not the same, but arguing that Starmer’s oppression is not quite as bad as Putin is like arguing that you shouldn’t complain because at least you didn’t catch a worse STD than chlamydia.

We used to have a special relationship with Britain. Why should we still? Britain is not special anymore. It’s just another seedy little authoritarian regime with bad native cuisine. My mom, a first-generation daughter of a Scottish immigrant, was right about the Europeans – all the good ones left. 

Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. Get the newest volume in the Kelly Turnbull People’s Republic series of conservative action novels set in America after a notional national divorce, the bestselling Amazon #1 Military Thriller, Overlord! And get his new novel about terrorism in America, The Attack!

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