The clock is ticking toward the Big Pick – who is Trump going to select to be his veep nominee? Usually, we would find out around the time of the convention in mid-July, but the President might want to do it sooner. He’s a master showman and will drop the news when it will have the maximum effect, but that Democrat judge in New York might make him announce his selection through one of those glass booths at Riker’s Island – which, judging by the support and money Trump got when the kangaroo kourt temporarily framed him, might just lead to Trump and the lucky selectee winning in a landslide.
The regime media has announced that Trump asked several potential picks to submit vetting paperwork. Why someone in Trumpworld would leak this info to the regime media is a good question – either it’s a calculated move for attention, in which case we should celebrate the exploitation of the garbage legacy journalists for our own purposes, or someone gets off seeing his leak up in lights. The Trump campaign has been remarkably tight-lipped this go around, as opposed to in the past when the middling MAGA types in the inner circle were still acting like it was the olden days when political players called up the N.Y. Times to dish. I’m going with exploitation – I bet the Trumpians are ruthlessly using the regime media to get the message out. Who knows, it might be Trump personally doing it.
I’ve talked about this before, but a vice-presidential pick must have four qualities. He/she must not hurt the ticket or the party. He/she must be able to do the job. He/she must bring something specific to the table to help win in November. And most importantly, he/she must not have bragged about killing any puppies. But enough about Kristi Noem – she’s not on the list and none of the eight have a known mutt mortality rate.
The alleged candidates for being candidates are, in alphabetical if not alpha order,
Doug Burgum, Ben Carson, Tom Cotton, Byron Donalds, Marco Rubio, Tim Scott, Elise Stefanik and J.D. Vance. I like them all in the sense that I could live with any one of them in the job, considering that the job basically consists of having a pulse. All of them are certainly better than Kamala Harris, but that is the lowest of bars. My dog Barkey would be a better VP than Kamala Harris, and she licks her own butt, which beats having licked any part of Willy Brown.
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Let’s see how the alleged candidates rate.
Doug Burgum, the Dakota governor who has not wasted Lassie, is an older, rich white guy like The Donald. Can our ticket stand two of them? Yes, because people inclined to vote for Republicans do not care about race, and they do not care about gender as long as it’s one of the two that exist. He’s smart and a good gov, solid and steady. In that sense, he’s Pence without the preachiness – a soothing presence for the wavering moderate R’s who look at the senile Biden and don’t want to vote for him again but who look at Trump and literally shake at his Trumpiness. His biggest flaw is that he’s on the edge of being too old at 67, but did I mention he’s rich? And that he’s got rich friends who would write checks. This guy meets each of the three criteria. He’s a solid choice.
I adore Ben Carson, and I would call him if I needed brain surgery. But you need brain surgery if you think he’s the right choice. First, he’s too old at 72. Second, Carson is nice and kind, but we need someone who will gleefully humiliate Kamala. Third, he brings no one new to the ballot box. Yes, he’s black, but Republicans don’t care, and Democrats will call him Uncle Tom. The fact is that the race of a Republican is irrelevant. Ben Carson is a great American, but he fails on criteria three – he adds nothing to the ticket.
I like Tom Cotton’s ambition and military record. His Senate seat is safe GOP. He’s more traditionally hawkish than Trump, which might create an issue. He’s also young – he has the Ben Shapiro vibe of a super-smart guy who strikes you as about a decade younger than he is. He could certainly do the job, but what does he bring to the table? Arkansas? He’s another guy who stumbles on the third essential quality of a pick.
Congressman Byron Donalds is a solid guy with no executive experience. He’s on the list because he’s good on policy and MAGA adores him. The regime media hates him, a plus. He is young, which is good, but he’s also from Florida, creating an unnecessary constitutional hassle over residence. He’s black, but being black is not relevant for a Republican nominee. It’s fair to ask what he brings to the table besides people who were already going to be at the table. Who out there is not now voting for Trump but will if Byron Donalds gets on board? No one.
It’s weird to see Marco Rubio on the list, but after nearly a decade he may be past his immigration heresy and embarrassing 2016 performance. He can do the job, and the establishment loves him. He is youthful. He brings along the people Burgum would reassure, but he also has his immigration baggage (some of us have long memories) and he invites a Florida residence controversy. In addition, leaving office would mean a big Florida Senate seat fight that we would not be absolutely guaranteed to win. Here is the big question – why would Trump pick Rubio if Doug Burgum gives him the same benefits without the hassle?
Tim Scott is another nice guy. The donors will like him, but the donors will like several of these folks. He’s black, but that doesn’t matter in our party – it gets us no Democrat votes. The moderates love him, but that’s because he’s soft – really soft. He won’t tear down the establishment; he will try to bring everyone together for a group hug. Scott simply does not have the killer instinct. He does not want to leave Kamala twitching on the floor of the debate stage – that’s not who he is. His campaign was awful, and he sets up an uncertain and expensive Senate race. He wants the job, but not so he can rain down fire and brimstone upon his enemies. Pass.
Who is Elise Stefanik again? I mean, I know who she is, but why her? She’s done some good stuff in Congress and she seems to have a killer instinct. But she’s not going to bring along New York state. Being female will not help us either – no one is voting for a GOP ticket because the veep candidate identifies as a woman. Like the other Congresscritter on the list, Byron Donalds, it is unclear if she has the kind of executive experience required to be President, though Kamala has proven you can be a clinical moron and inhabit the VP job. Stefanik would be fine in the job, but she would not help the ticket so that she would get the job.
And then there is my home state homeboy, J.D. Vance. He’s kind of my dream veep. He’s based and ruthlessly smart. He wants to burn, loot, and pillage the establishment. That’s great for me, but maybe off-putting to the squares. He puts a Senate seat at risk and that’s not nothing. It’s also unclear what he adds – everyone who might vote for the ticket because J.D. is on it is already voting for the ticket without J.D. on it. He’s batting .667 on the criteria. That said, he’s so solid Trump may take the chance.
So, to sum up, I would be happy to have any of them in office. I would most like J.D. Vance to be in office. But should that “performance in office” qualification rank higher than the “winning the election” qualification? A dispassionate analysis would suggest Burgum, but passion plays a part. I think Trump will choose Burgum or Vance, maybe Scott. Everyone else is a wild card.
So, what will Trump do? Any damn thing he wants. Like cats, he reacts to stimuli we cannot sense. Who knows what he is thinking, but you know, after nearly a decade of Trump-centric politics, I’m inclined to trust his gut.
Of course, this regime media list could be fake news, just like the rest of the stuff it spews. There are some key names missing. Glenn Youngkin is an obvious one – current polling says Virginia is close and he could put that state in play. There’s also Nikki Haley, who recently, through gritted teeth, sort of endorsed Trump. Of course, she not only burned her bridges but bombed the rubble until it bounced. It’s unclear why others who ponce had buzz, like Sarah Huckabee Sanders, are not on the list; it’s pretty clear why Kristi Noem isn’t. Woof, woof, bang, bang.
Who knows what will happen? Who knows what Trump will do? Probably not even the President. But this is, after all, Donald Trump’s show, and the master showman loves a good surprise ending.
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