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OPINION
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I'm So Glad the Chicks' Soccer Team Got Defeated

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/Hamish Blair

Maybe the buxom doll movie that is breaking box office records is not the seething cauldron of commie filth we have been told it is. But maybe that is unintentional. Can conservatives find something useful in enemy cultural products? Yes.

I am so glad the Chicks’ Soccer Team got defeated, and especially that it was so humiliating. They can pound sand. I’m delighted by their pain.

Is “Barbie” Based?

Largely because I wield a penis, I have not seen the “Barbie” movie and as long as my testicular status remains “GO,” I kind of doubt I will. This applies whether or not the movie is, in fact, based or unbased. There’s some dissent and debate about that. And politics being downstream from culture, as Andrew Breitbart taught, we should examine this phenomenon and see what it says about the current crisis.

Now, there’s no way this movie is intentionally based. The writer is some feminist chick and her male-identifying life partner and there is zero chance these two decided to subvert the commie paradigm they dwell in. No, it’s meant to be some sort of feminist statement, and the only question is whether in trying to be feminist they did the opposite.

This is entirely plausible. A clear and accurate depiction of the whiny, weird world of leftist feminism would be totally based. Who wants to be a part of that festivals of gripes, grievances, and high-pitch complaining? According to sources, Ken is the real scene stealer, and that’s understandable. In the feminist world view, men are loud, aggressive, obnoxious, and the recipients of all the advantages. Sounds awesome. I want to be with one of those, not with some whiny harridan complaining because no one will validate her feelz.

Now, can a piece of culture be meant to be one thing – commie trash – actually become something else when we normal people adopt it? Certainly. The most famous example may be the insufferable Bruce Springsteen, who I despise with the hot white heat of a million suns, and his 80s song “Born in the USA.” He, like all leftists, hates America and wrote about how terrible our country is – ironically, the lyrics are about a Vietnam vet who feels unappreciated and, well, what political faction unappreciated our vets?  Not ours.

Anyway, Reagan adopted the dumb song as a conservative, patriotic anthem and The Tosser – I mean Boss – basically plotzed. He was furious. Reagan ignored him. The Gipper just went on cranking the tune and Springsteen sat there and took it. 

So, we can take something meant to diss us and turn it into something that celebrates us. The artist might be ticked off, and good. Their misery should be our delight. Cultural products released into the culture fall into the cultural public domain. We can do with them as we please, and if it irritates the pinkos, so much the better.

Losers Lose and We Cheer

I have always found it interesting that we are somehow supposed to root for some product if it sticks “US” in its name. Take the US Women’s National Team, please. It allegedly represents America. I didn’t vote for these jerks to represent me. But apparently, I am obligated to care. As fauxservative Heath Mayo, wrote on The Website Formerly Known as Twitter:

“Surprise, surprise. Some are now actually celebrating the USA women’s early defeat in the World Cup because they don’t like the players’ politics.

More evidence that these folks usually just put their *grievances* first—not America.”

Putting aside how I’m not going to be lectured on putting America first by some healthy military-aged male super-patriot who enlisted with Bain (or McKinsey or whatever) instead of the Army, it’s hilarious to me that these people are so outraged that we hate them back.

They sure hate us. Blue-haired mutant Meagan Rapinoe is a one-chick grievance machine, whining and complaining and, ultimately, failing to score. That the final loss was on her is particularly delicious. Kneel to defeat, failgirl.

But there’s a bigger issue here. This is yet another institution that changed the rules as it went woke and decided to despise the very people it was supposed to serve. But then, as it parades around as the new, improved, America-hating USNWT, it demands we treat it with the respect that perhaps the previous incarnation of the institution might have earned.

No.

Not only is the USNWT nothing to me but it is an active enemy, and I will do whatever I can to harm it in terms of mockery, economic retaliation, and even political retribution via my elected officials. Like Bud Light, I want it to die. Slowly and painfully. That’s what I do to things I hate, and I hate this one because it decided to hate me. 

Are there innocent people who will be hurt? Well, if you are aiding and abetting my enemies, you are not innocent. Anyway, I don’t do human shields. Collateral damage is, in some cases, regrettable, but that is not going to save our enemies from our wrath.

Just remember who decided to make me their enemy in the first place. Other institutions, maybe think about that before you spread your woke virus around.

Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. Get Inferno, the seventh book in the Kelly Turnbull People's Republic series of conservative action novels set in America after a notional national divorce, as well as his non-fiction book We’ll Be Back: The Fall and Rise of America.

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