Dan Kennedy

If we would just inflate our tires and get regular tune-ups, drilling for oil would be unnecessary.

Now one of the many czars of the Oz-bama Regime has blithely suggested we should all be ordered to paint the roofs of our houses white – that doing so would equal taking every car on the planet off the roads for eleven years. I wonder if whatever he’s smoking is negatively affecting climate change.

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But why stop there? If white roofs are such an energy conservation miracle, surely making all cars white would help a lot too, and since we are soon to have only Oz-bama Motors achieving the impossible 35-miles-per-gallon average, it’ll be easy to issue the little eggs with wheels in one color.

And what about clothes? We can’t very well have people wandering around outdoors on hot days in little black cocktail dresses or Baywatch-red swimsuits. If we let that continue, the icebergs’ll melt and we’ll all be under water. Let’s mandate white for all clothes worn outdoors and restrict the wearing of colors indoors. For good measure, let’s replace those big, black robes the Supreme Court justices wear with light white linen. In fact, maybe it’d be a good idea to eliminate the apparel industry altogether and issue everybody a white uniform.

It’s been known for some time that cows’ flatulence worsens global warming, so it’d seem prudent to outlaw beef, and, for that matter, outlaw any foods that give humans gas. Or at bare minimum, levy a huge tax surcharge on beef and flatulence-causing foods to discourage their consumption. He has decided to punitively tax sugar laden foods. Might as well tax every food that’s bad for us.

Don’t laugh. It’s pretty hard to tell my goofy suggestions from theirs.

His administration resembles one of those little clown cars at the circus – it’s amazing that there are so many clowns in there! They just keep coming out, one after the other. It’s funny at the circus. It’s not so funny when the clowns are confiscating companies, taking over entire industries, subverting established law, spending more money faster than any previous administration, and dreaming up mandate upon mandate. It’s not so funny when you consider their obvious intent to dictate to us in every single aspect of our lives. Not so funny.

Dan Kennedy

Dan Kennedy is a serial entrepreneur and contributor to the Business & Media Institute.