Restaurant Chain Makes Karl Marx Look Like a Capitalist Pig

Michael Schaus
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Posted: Oct 30, 2014 12:55 AM
Restaurant Chain Makes Karl Marx Look Like a Capitalist Pig

Stop the planet, please. I would like to get off the ride now.

Have we really gotten to this point? Have we gotten to the point where laziness, apathy, and childish concepts of utopia have become “deep thoughts” among portions of the American public? I’ve seen my share of unadulterated idiocy (I do live in Colorado, and I am currently in California), but rarely do idealistic notions encourage me to reach for an air-sickness bag.

And then there was Chipotle. The anti-gun (please click here for more nauseating news about Colorado’s home-grown burrito chain) “Mexican” restaurant has just tapped into a concept that would make Karl Marx look like a raging capitalist pig. As part of their new promotional concept, the build-a-burrito workshop (that’s my description, not theirs) is putting cute little quotes on their cups and to-go bags in hopes of “cultivating” discussion. And there was one specific quote that made my head literally figuratively explode:

“Hope that, in the future all is well, everyone eats free, no one must work, all just sit around feeling love for one another.” – George Saunders

Whoa. Is someone paging Karl Marx’s idealistic brother, or is this a previously unknown strain of ignorance that has plagued extreme leftists?

I mean, sure… This sounds nice. Everyone eats for free, and no one works. Sign me up. Of course, I guess I’m going to have to build my own burrito, right? Oh, and I’ll also have to raise/slaughter/butcher my own steak. And I guess I’ll have to cultivate my own rice, beans, and corn. And I’ll probably have to google whatever is in that red sauce they put on my burrito… Well… That’s assuming that Google still works when unemployment is 100 percent. (By the way, I might have a lead on a sarcasm font; but I’m not sure if it will be universally accepted for what it is.)

I mean… Really?

Look, Chipotle: It’s hard enough for me to gag down one of your barely passable burritos without a little communist propaganda printed on the side of my to-go bag. It would be greatly appreciated if we could do away with the immature dreams of a barely-functioning idealist plastered to the side of my meal. 

Of course it would be nice if we didn’t have to work. I thought that’s why we save for retirement… Ya know, by working in our younger years. Since when did laziness become an ideal? I’m fairly sure I’d eventually get bored sitting around “loving” each other all day. (Actually, let’s be honest: That sounds exhausting. I mean, I assume that people like George Saunders are still around, right? Ugh.)

Even the guy with the cardboard sign that reads “will work for food” seems to understand that there is a connection between labor and fruits. The truth is, everything from the to-go bag to the bottle of Fiji water in Chipotle’s drink cooler, exists because people show up for work each and every day.

“Hope that, in the future all is well, everyone eats free, no one must work, all just sit around feeling love for one another”…Good luck. Maybe we can sing Kumbaya when we meet each other while riding unicorns through the gumdrop city of Neverland. I can’t wait.