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OPINION

The Heroes and Zeros of Election 2024

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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This is when we savor the sweetness of our total victory. This is when we quaff our ale and pound our shields after defeating the orc hordes, at least temporarily: "Remember today, little brother. Today, life is good." Life is good today; tomorrow, we fight again. 

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And it’s also a day to take a moment to identify and thank those who got us here, as well as to mock and deepen the humiliation of those weirdos, losers, and mutations who failed so utterly. We rule. They suck.

Here’s one hero – the great Scott Pressler, who picked up and moved to Pennsylvania and worked tirelessly to rally the low-propensity voters who won Trump the Keystone State and elected the great fellow Gulf War vet Dave McCormick, himself another hero, to the Senate. All hail Scott!

A zero? Ronna Romney McDaniel was finally fired as chairloser of the Republican National Committee. Her absence was key to our success this cycle. Among her many failures was ignoring and then, from envy, undermining Scott Pressler. Good riddance to this Romney and her zero relative Mitt as he slinks away from the Senate.

Many other folks did great work rallying the troops. Rick Grenell went everywhere and talked to everybody. He’s now, properly, the American First consensus nominee for Secretary of State. Doug Bergum went from “Doug Who?” to a loyal surrogate on his way to an administration job. And another hero is Ron DeSantis, who delivered up Florida after losing the primary – while demonstrating through hurricanes and other challenges just how Republicans can govern.

The Dem governors were zeros. Gretchen Whitmer, that frigid scold, decided it was a good idea to mock Catholics with her gross communion video. There is a more troubling possibility – that she had no idea she was mocking Catholics with her gross communion video. In any case, that video will haunt her when she tries to run in 2028. The Dem governors of California and Arizona also demonstrated the ineptitude of Democrat rule by being unable to count their votes in a reasonable time frame. DeSantis did it in two hours.

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Another hero is Elon Musk, whose purchase of Twitter allowed the majority of Americans to have a voice in opposition to the united Democrat propaganda machine that is the regime media. Like the Founders of old, Elon Musk put his life, fortune, and sacred honor on the line. They would’ve bankrupted him if Trump lost. They would’ve jailed him if Trump lost. He knew what would happen if Trump lost, yet he never wavered. That’s the definition of a hero.

How about the great Harmeet Dhillon and Red State’s own Jennifer Van Laar, whose opposition to Ronna McDaniel helped clear her out of office? Oh, she didn’t go easy. Harmeet ran against Ronna, and I helped work with her, but we lost that fight. Jen helped win the war with her exposé of Ronna’s ridiculous spending that finally inspired Trump to toss her out. Lara Trump and Michal Whatley replaced her – and built the RNC into a key component of our victory. They fixed the disastrous legal effort from 2020 (I was there, and it was a cluster) and turned it into a powerhouse. Heroes!

Susie Wiles was on the other side of the Ronna McDaniel fight initially. She won, proving herself formidable. But, as Trump’s campaign manager, she did not hesitate to dump Ronna McDaniel when it became clear the failed RNC head was a failure. Wiles then fought an amazing political campaign for Donald Trump as his campaign manager. Another Gulf War vet helped her, Chris La Civita. What a team! Here’s something key – you never saw her face. I wouldn’t recognize her if I tripped over her, and that’s part of the magic. She didn’t make it about herself. She made it about winning. She helped Trump be the very best Trump he could be without trying to make him into something he could never be. She deserves a ton of credit for this win and is an outstanding choice to be Trump’s chief of staff.

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The conservative women sure showed Mark Cuban. What is zero this guy is. He not only humiliated himself but revealed himself to be a pompous bigot when he declared Republican women inept dummies. It’s so sweet that so many smart Republican women are responsible for him sobbing in the corner like a little girl right now.

How about Anne Selzer? How about all the other alleged experts? They all knew best. They all knew Trump couldn’t possibly win. I agreed with them a year ago. I thought Trump couldn’t win. But Trump changed that reality, and smart people change their opinion when reality changes. But the experts? No, they never did. They never wanted to. And now they’ve been revealed as clowns. And Selzer, the highly respected Iowa pollster, set fire to her rep. Zeros.

How about Joe Biden? He’s both a zero and a hero! He was a terrible president and selfishly ran again when he was utterly demented. Zero! But, on the upside, he also mercilessly shivved Harris in the back again and again during the campaign. Hero! He set the Dems up for failure and then made sure it happened. Thanks, you creepy dope!

Talk about a zero – Tim Walz is the worst. He was a terrible pick, chosen because Kamala needed to find someone who would not outshine her. That must have been hard. Her obvious pick was Josh Shapiro, who Republicans would be wise to actually be concerned about, but there was a problem with him the Democrats just could not tolerate. Walz was a stolen valor, commie-cavorting weirdo who gave off definite Ford-panel-van-parked-outside-the-middle-school vibes. What a zero.

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A hero? JD Vance. What a superstar! This guy had a lot of doubters when Trump picked him. He has no doubters now. The next 30 years of American politics will feature this hero.

Of course, the biggest zero is Kamala Harris. Her career, such as it was, is over. She should call Mike Dukakis and get some hints about how to survive internal exile for the crime of totally failing her party. Of course, Dukakis was not a bad man, just an inept and soft one. Kamala is a monster, a totalitarian quasi-fascist without a brain in her head. She’s terrible. This is all her fault. She’s a monumental zero.

And the greatest hero of the 2024 cycle? Of course, it was Donald J. Trump. They slandered him. They tried to bankrupt him. They tried to put him in prison for the rest of his life. They tried to murder him and actually shot him. And he did not falter. He did not waver. He did not hesitate. He did two things. 

Fight, fight, fight. And win, win, win. 

Now, that’s a hero.

Donald Trump will be the 47th President of the United States, but our fight to make America great again is only just beginning, and we need your help to keep telling the truth! Join Townhall VIP right now to get access to my extra Wednesday column, the weekly Stream of Kurtiousness videos every Friday, my Unredacted podcast every Monday, my VIP members-only direct email address, and more! Join now! Use promo code FIGHT for 60% off membership.

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Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. Get the newest volume in the Kelly Turnbull People’s Republic series of conservative action novels set in America after a notional national divorce, the bestselling Amazon #1 Military Thriller, Overlord! And get his new novel about terrorism in America, The Attack!

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