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OPINION
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Jimmy Carter II: The Revenge

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AP Photo/Barry Thumma, File

Welcome to the Townhall VIP exclusive short video segment, "Stream of Kurtiousness." I don't if we're going with that title, we may be going with that title, we may be going with another title, but it is my working title, and I am hard at work for you. Bringing you the facts, the information, the 411 as the hep kids say if they go back in time to 1996. So, here's the deal. First of all, if we're talking time travel, we're back in the 70s.

This is Jimmy Carter II: The Revenge, except it's worse. That shriveled peanut-like little man, who happened to farm peanuts (there's a Brian Stelter is a potato vibe going on), he's back. And he's happy. And he's happy because he's not the worst president of the last century.

Did you see this picture of the giant Biden and this little Jimmy Carter in a chair?

So, that was a thing that occurred.

Jimmy Carter's back. We got inflation. We got Middle East crises. We have economic stagnation. We have America being humiliated around the world. Look, I'm like 420 years old; I remember how miserable the 70s were. You young whippersnappers, y'all think that the 70s were about disco and fancy, funny clothes and big lapels. No, no, no, it was about grime and misery and malaise. Do you remember malaise? I'm waiting for Joe Biden's malaise speech, except, of course, he doesn't give speeches. He doesn't even talk. 

Did you see him the other day? He was up there going, "I'm not supposed to answer questions from you! Gotta get going! Gotta have some mush and watch my 'Matlock!' My 'Matlock!'"

I also remember what happened after Jimmy Carter. His name was Ronald Reagan, and America became much, much better. Now, you young whippersnappers, you don't know what America was like when America was down on its knees—beaten down by liberalism. Liberal economics. Liberal toleration of crime. Just general liberalism in all its full flower. It's what we have now, folks; liberals tolerating crime, liberals tolerating gas lines.

What next? Saturday Night Fever, the hip-hop version? Probably. I'm not down with it.

Mostly, I'm not down with Liz Cheney. But we've talked about her before. I think we've given Cheney her 15 minutes of fame and then a few more minutes. This isn't MSNBCNN. I'm not going to be talking about her much except to say I can't wait until she runs for president in the Jeb! lane, which admittedly is fairly wide.

I'm wondering who the people are, who are thinking, "She's got a shot. Yes, America loves Liz Cheney." That's the great thing about her. Everyone hates her. America can come together on despising Liz Cheney, except for the Ahoy! Cruise Ship "Conservative" gang. Conservatives hate her because she's a back-stabbing, turncoat, weasel, warmongering scumbag. Liberals hate her because she's a Cheney. So, in that, we've actually built bridges, and that's great.

Now, have you guys seen that ad? It's done in like a Disney-style. It's like the Little Mermaid joins the Army. It's like Ariel becomes Airborne. You know, "Hi, I want to tell you my story. My parents were two women, one of them was conventionally attractive, the other not. So it's not a lipstick thing, so you guys are going to be disappointed by this story and the way it ends up. But anyway, I decided to validate myself by joining the Army!"

And I'm not quite sure how to react to this. Do they think they're going to get a bunch of pink-haired, pierced nose, pronoun people going, "Well, gosh, about time I joined the 82nd Airborne. I can really validate my socialist paradigm in the Army." Call me crazy; I don't think it's going to work. I don't think it's going to get people.

What it is going to do, the kind of people who do join the Army, who are normal Americans, who want to defend their country and want a challenge and want to really do something that other people can't or won't, the traditional people who've made America's military great, they're going to look at this and go, "I'm not welcome. They don't want me because I don't have a weird story. Hey, I had a mom and a dad. They went to church, and they worked hard. I went to high school, maybe even in college, and then I decided to serve my country." Not a great story in the eyes of the advertising geniuses putting together Army's recruiting campaigns, even though those are pretty much the people who made the Army great.

So, if you're ever wondering why the United States has not won a war in 20 years, as you can see from my book selection (by the way, check out my books), you can see that I kind of try and make a little thing about studying war and the military and stuff, there are certain lessons there. And the lessons are, it's not sophomores from Wellesley seeking validation that make an Army. It's normal Americans.

I don't know. Call me crazy; maybe we should be recruiting them—just a thought.

This is the "Stream of Kurtiousness." I want you to check out all my stuff at Townhall. Every Monday, you get a full half-hour podcast with me. You can get a VIP column on Wednesday, but you get my regular ones on Monday and Thursday. And you should check out my books, and you should check out my Locals community, and follow me on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. And that's my "Stream of Kurtiousness" for the day. Thanks for checking it out!

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