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OPINION

Everyone Who Takes on Trump Ends Up Crushed

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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What is this eerie power Donald Trump has to select the perfect enemies, enemies whose own myriad failings often cause them to commit ritual suicide whenever they face him? He usually doesn’t even have to do anything – these goofs do it to themselves.

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His latest victim is BuzzFraud, that listcicle-curating web site for millennial geeks that had the mainstream media in a 24-hour festival of onanism over a report so full of Schumer that even Mueller and his pack of Democrat activists had to shout, “Yo, chill.”

It’s not like BuzzFraud had a lot of journalistic credibility to start with, but props to them for managing to gather up every iota of once and future integrity, hauling it out in front of everyone, dousing it with 91 octane premium, and tossing in a match.

And in the White House, serene as the government shutdown continues, Trump smiles.

Nancy Pelosi made the mistake of buying her own hype and thinking she could go troll-to-troll against him. Big mistake. She thought she could high-hat him by kinda/sorta rescinding her State of the Union address invitation. “Take that!” sneered the mainstream media, pretending that her concern for security during the shutdown was the motivation and not her terror at the thought of the President having a huge audience hear him explain why the Democrat position of letting murderers, rapists, drug dealers and welfare cheats flood into our unprotected country is a bad idea.

So, Trump waits until she and the rest of her pals are on a bus ready to jet off to party in Europe with a fig leaf stopover in Afghanistan and then he pulls the plug. We get delightful footage of dejected ugly Americans filing off the bus, their boondoggle delayed until they do their damn job. Glorious.

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And the best part of Junketgate was the parade of neckbeard Vox virgins and the MSNBCNN doofusi bemoaning how now our poor troops were cruelly deprived of a visit by Nancy Pelosi. Because if anyone knows what our troops want, it’s neckbeard Vox virgins and the MSNBCNN doofusi.

USO cheerleader squad tours? Yes, those are popular visitors. Withered Washington crones, not so much. Anyone who’s served overseas knows exactly what a giant pain it is to host a bunch of bored congressjerks who are constantly complaining because there’s no booze while they endure their three-hour stopover in the rear echelon as the price of their European shopping spree. Been there, done that.

His retaliation was glorious – can anyone imagine Jeb! fighting back like that? No. That’s why Low Energy Jeb! was yet other loser carried out of the Trump Octagon on a stretcher, mumbling “Please clap.”

See, Trump’s an equal opportunity brawler. It’s not just Democrats he smashes. It’s the Fredocons too. Take Mitt Romney, please, preferably to one of the Third World hellholes where he outsourced American jobs. He got crushed by Trump, and he’s still seething over how Trump publicly teased him with the Secretary of State job only to snatch it away at the last minute in front of everyone. Now, utilizing the keen instincts and street smarts that let him be publicly body-slammed by Candy Crowley, Mitt has decided to channel Jeff Flake and become the Voice of Neo-Conscience in the Senate. His Twitter feed could consist entirely of him tweeting “We’re better than that” and “Oh, well, I never!”

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And no one cares. But you know that in the back of his well-coiffed head, he’s thinking “Mitt 2020? Maybe….” Hey Mitt, 2012 called, and it’s laughing at you.

Then there’s Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit. You know, the Most Brilliant Woman Ever who got beat by the guy the smart set called a “moron?” Now she’s been reduced to occasionally sobering up long enough to send out a trial balloon about how she’s totally coming back too in 2020.

Yes, okay, that’ll totally be a thing, ma’am. Here’s your morning Chardonnay. There, drink it all. Yes, it makes the pain go away.

Remember Michael Avenatti? We don’t, but his creditors do. And Stormy Daniels? Last we heard she was at the Peppermint Hippo gentleman’s club in Rancho Cucamonga, trying to pay off her judgment to Trump a dollar-bill at a time shimmying to “Pour Some Sugar on Me.”

They keep lining up to take Trump out, and he keeps knocking them down. Name a significant feud he’s lost. You really can’t. It’s actually quite remarkable…

The Weekly Standard, dead. Trump, still president.

Kathy Griffin, career dead. Trump, still president.

Michael Cohen, aka No. 9575864, envying the dead. Trump, still president.

And thank goodness that Trump not only likes to fight but knows how to win. The GOP softies would have folded long ago in the face of media finger-wagging and howling Democrats. But not Trump. He enjoys crushing his enemies, seeing them driven before him, and hearing the lamentations of those who identify as women, as well as woke males who use Gillette products.

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Savor the coming victories. And they are coming, because this guy never loses when he takes on those who hate us. He will win the shutdown. He will take over the courts. He will beat the soft coup the elite launched to deny us the ability to select our country’s leaders.

Yes, the Russia fantasy will end up another humiliating defeat for the elite. And they know it, which is why they are latching on to manifestly ridiculous “bombshells” like the BuzzFraud scoop. Even Mueller’s leftist team of witchfinders seems to be tamping down expectations. Two years, and they got nothing. But watch the Democrats impeach Trump anyway, watch the Senate acquit him, and watch Trump crush whatever leftist dork Team Donkey nominates in 2020.

The 2020 election is the big fight, and the Dems are far too dumb and in love with their shiny new leftist toys to make the smart play and nominate the only real threat to Trump, Joe Biden. Whatever other human sacrifice they put up against Bad Orange Man is going down, and that will cement Donald Trump as the Greatest of All Time.

With enemies like these, who needs friends?

If you want to see the hellish, campus-like America that would result if Trump’s enemies actually succeed in their evil schemes, check out my latest novel, Wildfire (and the earlier People’s Republic and Indian Country) and understand how lucky we are that a disruptor came along when he did and disrupted the status quo on our behalf.

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