Hillary is Throwing Everybody Under the Bus

Caleb Parke
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Posted: Jun 01, 2017 3:10 PM
Hillary is Throwing Everybody Under the Bus

Nobody likes a sore loser, but Hillary Clinton may have taken it to a new level with her vast web of election loss conspiracy theories.

HRC’s performance makes losers everywhere look a little less bad, from the little kickers to the major leaguers.

To borrow a line from a Lady Gaga song, Hillary’s giving Americans everywhere a “million reasons” to let her go.

I mean she blamed Russia, she blamed Netflix, she even blamed the New York Times — and they endorsed her!

The Fox News Research Team compiled a list of everyone and everything the 2016 Democratic presidential nominee has cast as a reason for her election defeat over 200 days ago.

Clinton is a former first lady and secretary of state, as well as her favorite title, a grandmother. Obviously, becoming the first female president was an aspiration of hers, but if she truly cares about the country, she will stop making a fool of herself and her party.

Shall we review the things she faults for her loss?

1. The FBI.

I suppose that’s fair when you consider she was under FBI investigation for mishandling classified information. She’s definitely got a point there. It doesn’t look good for someone to run for the highest office in the land while being investigated by the highest law enforcement mechanism, but I’m not convinced that’s theFederal Bureau of Investigation’s fault…Let’s move to the next one.

2. James Comey, then FBI Director

Again, I think it’s fair for Clinton to point the finger at Comey, but after Bill Clinton met with Attorney General Loretta Lynch on the tarmac during the FBI investigation, Comey was in a pickle. It would make more sense for her to blame her husband or Lynch, but that might hit a little too close to home.

3. The Russians

Of course, she blamed the Russians because we all know for years they’ve been planning to get businessman Donald J. Trump elected to the presidency specifically to take down the Clinton machine…This theory makes “House of Cards” look boring.

4. Vladimir Putin

While she’s blaming entire countries, why not their leaders? I hate to break it to Mrs. Clinton, but Vlad wasn’t making robocalls to hockey moms in Michigan…

5. ‘Anti-American forces’

Generally, if you’re running for president of the United States, “anti-American forces” are what unite us as a nation, but I guess Clinton sees them more as threat to her rise to power than anything else.

6. Low information voters

Ouch! Clinton believes Americans are just too dumb to figure out who the right person to vote for is. Guess it had nothing to do with the issues.

7. Everyone who assumed she’d win

Can we just lump all her supporters into this category? I’m talking about the media and big city folks – people who live on the coasts and forget that America has flyover states. I’ll give her this one.

8. Bad polling numbers

This one is almost relevant, except for the fact that Clinton claims if the election was held on October 27, 2016 she would’ve been the first female president. What did she base that on? Yep, that’s right, poll numbers.

9. Obama for winning two terms

In the spirit of fairness, this is a disadvantage to her. I mean just how bad were the Obama years? Clinton seems to agree they weren’t the best.

10. People wanting change

I have to agree with Hillary on this one, too. People wanted change for 8 years, but Obama just gave us more corruption and more government.

11. Misogynists

Hillary tries to play the sexism card here, but apparently that didn’t stop her from rising to become first lady or become the secretary of state. A bad candidate is a bad candidate regardless of their God-given body parts.

12. Suburban women

And while she’s blaming men, she might as well throw in women. You know, the hard-working women who make this country run.

13. The New York Times

Oh, how rich this is. She blames the New York Times for covering her email scandal like Pearl Harbor — but here’s the catch, they endorsed her for president! Of all the candidates that could blame the New York Times during the election, the Clinton campaign should be last in line.

14. Television executives

Was it the TV execs who told Clinton not to take questions from the press? If so, she’s got another point.

15. Cable news

I’m guessing she’s not referring to the Clinton News Network or any of the other networks that couldn’t say a single negative thing about her, but maybe she thinks she didn’t get fair coverage. Maybe they should’ve covered her scandals more fairly.

16. Netflix

Blame it on Scandal and How to Get Away with Murder for taking votes from you, because we all know Netflix is teeming with conservative programming like Bill Nye Saves the World…oh wait.

17. Democrats not making the right documentaries

Yes, documentaries win elections. Evidently Hillary’s been consulting Michael Moore post-election.

18. Facebook

This one is fair. Every time I saw a Hillary supporter going crazy on Facebook it made me think twice about voting for her — or when I saw my friend’s engagement photos or cat videos I was just further repulsed from Hillary Clinton. I can’t explain it either, Hillary.

19. Twitter

I think it’s safe to say @realDonaldTrump won the 2016 election on Twitter with “Crooked Hillary” — while Clinton’s team of 30-some sent out a poll-tested response from the “pantsuit aficionado’s” account.

20. WikiLeaks

Hillary will tell you her emails were the “biggest nothing burger,” whatever that is, then in the next breath claim that WikiLeaks kept her from winning the election. You can’t have it both ways.

21. Fake News

In a nod to Trump, she claims FAKE NEWS brought her down…right. Okay.

22. “Content farms in Macedonia”

We all remember how much of an issue Macedonia was in the election…you don’t remember? Well, Hillary does. I just wish she had told us before November 8, 2016.

23. The Republican Party

Of all the things Hillary blames for her election loss, this one makes the most sense. It’s the other team’s fault…for being better? Yeah.

24. The Democratic Party

Remember when the Democratic Party chose one candidate over the other during the primaries? So does Hillary, but we should probably remind her it was Bernie Sanders who got screwed by the party, not her. She blamed them for having no money, no data, and nothing to give her — and this was after 8 years of Barack Obama! Further proof that budgets matter.

There’s only one person missing from her list of blame: Hillary Rodham Clinton.