Lincoln Brown

Good news! Now the dream of owning a home with the help of Uncle Sam has gone global! According to CNS News, following the standard federal meme of supporting everyone but U.S. taxpayers, financial institutions and job creators, your government has revived the Martial Plan, oops, I mean the Marshall Plan (Sorry, it’s hard to tell the difference these days.) with a vengeance. Home buyers in Palestine rejoice! We’re sending you $313 million for mortgage funding! Yes, too you can now realize the dream of having a home of your own the West Bank.

Seriously, we really are going to pay for mortgages on the West Bank. How are we going to get the money for that? Don’t ask me such a ridiculous question? How do we get the money for all the ridiculous crap we underwrite at home, like Viking garment research to corroborate climate change, snail censuses, homes for abandoned tortoises,  and studies to determine how migrant workers get social diseases from Russian hookers.  We’ll probably get it all from the same place-your tax dollars.

However the government finagles it, the money will come through the Overseas Private Investment Corporation. Don’t let the moniker fool you, it’s another federal office.

The West Bank also gets $110 million in loans for small and medium sized businesses. Hey, somebody’s gotta lay the sod, and sell the pink flamingos and aluminum siding.  And don’t forget the lawn gnomes. I don’t know if lawn gnomes are culturally appropriate on the West Bank but, hey it could be a niche market.  No word on if those small and medium businesses will be union shops, have to provide health care, and start employees out at $15 an hour. Wait, that’s only here the government wants to do that. Sorry. My mistake.

The GAO, which is the Government Accounting Office, (Yes the government is allegedly accountable for the money it spends. Pause for laughter) issued a report on it this week. According to a convenient flow chart the Middle East Investment Initiative will be used to mitigate defaults. Give me a break on this one, it’s a government flowchart. They aren’t supposed to be easy to understand. The money will come through the OPIC with the support of the Palestinian Investment Fund, or PIF. The PIF was created by the Palestinian Authority, in case you were curious.

Lincoln Brown

Lincoln Brown is the Program Director at KVEL Radio in Vernal, Utah. He hosts “The Lincoln Brown Show” Mondays through Fridays from 8-9 AM.