“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to prosper.”

—Benjamin Franklin

As some of you know by now, I’m a Christian. As a believer I have no problem whatsoever with either you or me having a mug of beer, a glass of wine, or a snifter of brandy, enjoying in moderation what the good Lord has blessed us with. No, Spanky, I’m not a teetotaler. Having said that, I’d never encourage nor drink around someone who, for whatever reason, has no self control. It ain’t worth it. That would be an abuse of my liberty.

In addition, I’m in favor of the legal drinking age being dropped from 21 to 18. I say if our young men and women can go off to war and face a real bullet they should be able to at least kick back a couple of Silver Bullets.

No doubt some of you legalistic 21st century killjoy Pharisees have problems with a Christian drinking alcohol. How do I know? Well, it is because Christianity as of late has been chopped down by the likes of you to these six things, namely:

1. Not watching or reading anything with the name Harry Potter on it

2. Not going to R-rated movies

3. Not smoking cigarettes, a cigar, or a pipe (there goes C. S. Lewis and Charles Spurgeon)

4. Not listening to rock music

5. Not watching CNN or MSNBC (this doesn’t send you to hell, just makes you dumb as hell)

6. Not drinking alcohol

Yep, somehow the greatest story ever told has been reduced to some goofy self-righteous denomination’s list of do’s and don’ts. The funny thing is that the majority of Christian ministers who are fierce about not drinking are not so vociferous about the tons of food they eat, or the gossip they spread, or the unforgiveness they harbor, or the many hours they spend online viewing porn.

I was watching Christian TV the other day as this chunky, sweaty minister who was at least 150lbs overweight (at least!) lectured his flock/the nation on the “demonic evils” of enjoying a Bud Light. I’m sitting back thinking, “let me get this right, Jabba . . . Jesus gets perturbed when I have a 12oz bottle of beer, and he’s completely cool with you eating chicken by the bucket, hamburger by the pound and pizza by the foot?” How convenient, Pastor Man Breasts. And correct me if I’m wrong, Reverend Cletus Klump, but I believe the glutton and the drunkard are both condemned in Scripture. Google it and get back to me. Continued...