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13 Sure-fire Ways to Fail as a Politician

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

While Democrats attack Trump at every turn, here are 13 sure-fire ways Democrats can continue to alienate an electorate months before the midterm elections:

1. Demonize your opponents—call them ignorant, racists, xenophobes, sexists, and Islamophobes. Resist dealing with real issues or your own positions. Stay on attack and foster hysteria at every opportunity!


2. Let the immigrants waiting years in line to come to America legally wait longer. Establish sanctuary for illegal aliens keeping them in the shadows dependent on your support.

3. Keep claiming that the rich don’t pay their fair share! They do, but transferring their wealth to the citizens dependent on government is your ticket to victory. Taking from the rich and giving to the poor worked for Robin Hood. When a majority of Americans receive more benefits than they pay in taxes, it’ll work for you.

4. Stand for the National Anthem, but don’t get carried away. Most young voters don’t know how lucky they are to be born here. Feed on their entitlement cravings. Their votes pour in when you give them more and make them pay less. By the time they face higher taxes, you’ll have already benefitted from their votes.

5. The media is a gift that keeps on giving, but only if you feed the beast compelling video for the evening news. Secure demonstration coverage. Have supporters attack their opponents wherever they can—town hall meetings, restaurants, or at their homes. Give them no peace.

6. Champion judges who’ll keep the Constitution a “living document” flexible to leftist priorities. With the right judges, your special interest groups prosper. Find new victims that matter! Let the GOP have “all the people.” You want victim groups to exploit. Never give them everything they want, so they keep you in office.


7. Use “loving” and “compassion” as convenient spiritual justifications for expanding and trapping more citizens in government entitlements. Keep claiming that today’s needs are too great for charities to handle. Let voters know you’ll let government do their giving using someone else’s money!

8. Champion a new “American Dream”— everyone deserves a house, a guaranteed income, healthcare, and retirement benefits whether they’ve earned it or not. Make their dream a right, not a reward for hard work. Label those who want to keep more of what they’ve earned as selfish!

9. Fight school vouchers and parental choice. Public education is your farm team for developing the next generation of leftist voters. They’ll teach that capitalism creates winners and losers. Kids love supporting the losers and hating the winners. But never actually establish socialism; there’ll be no rich to pay for government entitlements.

10. Never drain the swamp. They need more government employees in the federal, state, and local swamps. The more voters who work for government, the more they’ll vote for politicians who will maintain their wages and benefits.

11. Promise to regulate and control the corporations who are “charged” with creating global warming and endangering citizens and threatened species. The more rules and regulations you introduce, the more government employees you’ll need to enforce them and the more funds lobbyists will throw at you to sway votes.


12. Guns kill people. Call for bans on the sale of automatic and semi-automatic weapons. Demonize the NRA; you’re not getting their votes anyway. Be sure to make exceptions for your own security details.

13. Run on women’s right to choose! Take pride in the fact that in industrialized countries, only Japan has a more unrestricted abortion policy than the U.S. Don’t give in to banning even late-term abortions and fight for federal funds for Planned Parenthood.

The Surgeon General warns that using these suggestions may be hazardous to a long-term political career and a disaster in the November midterm elections.

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