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Beam Me Up, Sulu

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.

This 4th of July is as much a lamentation as a celebration.

I’m not trying to rain on your parade but in a world where the Duke boys are the new KKK, as Captain Sulu gets to call Clarence Thomas a “clown in black face” while hiding behind a “LoveWins” hashtag, we have clearly lost our minds.


But I’m sure George Takei will feel terrible about his mistake once the Star Trek DVDs and scale models of the Enterprise are taken off the shelves—faster than you can say “you will be made to care.”

Wait, what’s that you say? Takei is professor emeritus of the “right side of history”?

My bad, I forgot Bo and Luke and their orange car are micro-aggressions against skinny-jean-wearing Marxists, who would wet themselves if the shadow of Daisy Duke fell upon them.

I must’ve misplaced my Rainbow Jihad/race-baiting cheat sheet, because it says right here in the Starfleet Manual that Takei gets a pass. Maybe even a commendation for stinking thinking. Meanwhile, Justice Thomas will just have to get comfortable being hated for not judging black enough. Because, tolerance.

Takei was not done showing the hateful underbelly of the cult of progressive, though. He decided to transport us to yet another dimension of vile and creepy–doubling-down on the Wrath of Sulu once he was called out for his hate.

On Facebook, Takei condescended that “a few fans have written wondering whether I intended to utter a racist remark by referring to Justice Thomas as a ‘clown in blackface.’ ‘Blackface’ is a lesser-known theatrical term for a white actor who blackens his face to play a black buffoon. In traditional theater lingo, and in my view and intent, that is not racist. It is instead part of a racist history in this country.”


Does Clarence feel better? ‘Buffoon’ means pretty much the same thing, as ‘I’m sorry.’ That’s boldly going where the English language hasn’t gone before—or at least without the help of Chief Justice John Roberts.

It is just history, kids! Maybe if Justice Thomas is really lucky, his next warp drive with Lt. Sulu will include a burning cross on his lawn.

But I have a question. Why does Takei’s claim of “intent” matter at all? The whole progressive playbook requires nothing but a feeling of victimization to make the world bow in respect and admiration. Bruce Jenner feels pretty one day and we all have to clap. A pair of homosexuals wants to put a ring on it, and the florists and the cake bakers need to scramble to make the “public accommodation.”

So if someone feels violated or aggrieved by something Takei said, isn’t that the only thing that matters – intentions be damned? After all, I’m told that’s how white male privilege works. I wake up in the morning, I take my first breath and then I start oppressing people by my very existence.

Good times.

Why then does Takei’s Asian hue preclude him from such a sin? Why does he get a pass? And the answer is…shut up, bigot!

What a land we live in when an Asian man, whose only claim to fame is he was on the b-team of a popular science fiction brand, gets to call one of the most accomplished black men in the history of this nation a slur and somehow blame it on white people.


I see what you did there, Jorge. Can I call you, Jorge? Before we go, I want to make sure we appeal to the Hispanic vote, before they’re allegedly all driven off because Donald Trump agrees with most Americans who are also tired of being Mexico’s dumping ground.

Let freedom ring a-ding-ding, my fellow ding-dongs. Enjoy the crazy this 4th of July while you still can. Oh, but lay off the black face. My male hairdresser, who happens to be a huge Takei fan, says it’s horrible for your complexion this time of year.

Now, where’s my red shirt?

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