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How Romney Can Win

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

Wannabe GOP Svengali Karl Rove helped to engineer Mitt Romney winning the Republican presidential nomination, and now says he doesn’t think Romney can beat President Obama this fall.


Recently a little birdie of mine shared some high level campaign intelligence with me that was given to Republicans on Capitol Hill, which said “Romney can’t win the election, but Obama could lose it.”

I am not a Rom-Zombie. I think my street cred for opposing Romney’s RINO record in Massachusetts and the milquetoast Republican Party establishment is well established, given the hate I receive from slappies to each of my columns that accurately point out Romney’s record and beliefs (or the lack thereof).

So it may be odd for me to lay out a blueprint for a Romney victory this fall, but if only Nixon could go to China then perhaps a Romney skeptic such as myself is the perfect person to objectively make the case that Romney can win.

And I think there’s only two things Romney has to do to pull it off and save the republic (or what’s left of it) from another four years of the Obama Regime.

1. Cease Campaigning Immediately.

Romney should immediately stop campaigning, stop doing interviews, and avoid every camera and every microphone between now and the first Wednesday in November (the day after the election). The American people have a short attention span, so the good news is they’ll likely forget who we actually nominated between now and November. But just so we don’t dare risk jarring their memory…


Air no commercials.

Select no running mate.

Cancel the convention.

Decline the debates.

Romney reminding people he’s actually running can only hurt him (us). He’s incapable of maintaining a consistent stream of thought on any issue, and he’s too easy for the Left to demagogue for various reasons. He’s the most unpopular party nominee for president since at least 1984. His performance in the last round of primaries on April 24 was the weakest of any frontrunner who had all but wrapped up his party’s nomination since at least 1972. Romney’s negatives are already as high as the president’s, and that’s before the Left actually unloads on him.

2. Romney should legally change his name to “Not Obama.”

As someone that went through a name change as a youth, I know firsthand there’s plenty of time for Mitt Romney to legally change his name to “Not Obama,” and still make the deadline for finalizing that wording on the ballots in all 50 (or 57 according to President Obama) states.

The most popular candidate running for president this cycle is “Not Obama” if you look at all the polling out there. Running as “Not Obama” rallies a conservative base not all that enamored with the prospect of replacing Obama with Human Events’ #8 RINO of 2005. Running as “Not Obama” doesn’t remind independents that Romney has an elevator for his cars more expensive than most of their homes.


Running as “Not Obama” sounds chic and cool, when the Mitt Romney we now know is all the lame of Bob Dole plus the flip-flopping integrity of John Kerry.

From Obama acolytes like Hilary Rosen attacking motherhood, to the vile anti-Christian potty mouth of the aptly named Dan Savage, the best thing the Republicans have going for them is the President’s abysmal economic record and his appalling associates. Any discussion of the merits of Romney, short-lived as that discussion may be, is just an unnecessary diversion from the true goal of evicting Obama from the White House.

Want to take Mormonism off the table, but focus the American people’s attention solely on Obama’s anti-American Marxist mentor Jeremiah Wright? Want to rally the American people against unpopular Obamacare, but concerned its predecessor Romneycare makes us look like hypocrites? Want to avoid criticism Romney has no principles, but remind the American people Obama has all the wrong ones?

It’s as easy as these two steps.

If the Republican Party’s aforementioned analysis is correct, it’s our only hope. Take Romney completely off the table, and pry the etch-a-sketch from his cold, dead fingers. Fire all the consultants (heck, these overpaid fools should all be fired anyway). Find a rock somewhere in one of Romney’s five home states to bury him under for the next six months. If that doesn’t work, bribe him with a six-month pilgrimage that retraces the Osmond’s historic rise to pop culture icons. A BYU grad can no more turn down a chance to visit the Osmond’s original home in Ogden than a Southern Baptist can turn down a trip to Graceland.


Do whatever it takes, because there’s too much at stake to risk this pivotal election on the guy that lost to the guy that lost to Obama four years ago.

We may need to save Romney (and thus ourselves) from himself. It might be the only way to truly have a national referendum on the failure of the Obama Regime this fall, and avoid a down ballot disaster for conservatives. The American people seem to want anybody but Obama or Romney this fall, so I say we give them exactly what they want. Voters did a fine job rejecting Obama on their own in the 2010 mid-term election, so if it ain’t broke why fix it?

Give them “Not Obama” to rally behind again in 2012.

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