The State of the Bubble Address
Instead I sat with my lovely wife, had a glass of wine and played with the dogs.
But let me guess how it went.
President Obama stood in front of Congress and declared the state of the union is strong - except for a whole bunch of new government freebies and new federal laws he wants to see enacted to make it even stronger.
To pander to his liberal Democrat base, he promised his usual wish list of unrealistic ideas that not three Republicans in the House and Senate will support.
He called for Congress to mandate paid sick leave for workers.
He promised to close the gender gap on wages.
He called for a hike in the national minimum wage.
He didn't promise to make everyone in the middle class a millionaire. But he said he was going to ask Congress to pass this year's special treat -- "a bold new plan" for Congress to make community college free for anyone who wants it.
The president is supposed to be so brilliant. So why does he continue to believe that community college - or ObamaCare, or food stamps, or subsidized loans, or quality day care, or anything else the federal government gives us - is free?
It's cynical politics, pure and simple. He knows nothing is free. He knows someone is paying for those federal goodies - and that someone is the hardworking American taxpayer.
I'm sure the State of Union was same bad TV show I saw last year and the four years before that.
It was all about class warfare, about the rich taking from the poor, about $320 billion in more taxes.
I'm really, really tired of hearing the same stuff all the time.
I understand he didn't even mention the words "al-Qaeda." Guess what's going on in Yemen right now didn't come up on his radar screen.
I'm so tired of this president. He is so overdone. He's so partisan.
He's so cocksure that he has saved the economy with his gigantic deficits and he'll save the middle class with his latest giveaways.
He's the president but he still runs around the country like he's still campaigning for something. On Wednesday he flew into Idaho, one of the reddest of the red states, to push his awful State of the Union themes.
Does he ever stop talking? Every time you turn on the TV, he's talking, talking, talking.
It's like, "O my God, will you please just shut up. Please. Shut up. For two days."
Mr. President, I'll be so glad when your next two years are over.
I'm really tired of seeing your face, hearing your voice and being bombarded by your "progressive" New Deal ideas - which always give more money and power to Washington when what we need is less.
Mr. President, when will you ever stop thinking up new laws that Congress will not pass? We need fewer laws, not more.
I'm for passing just one new law in 2015 - a law setting up a part-time Congress.
They spend too much time in DC. They think because they're there everyday they have to keep passing more laws.
And every time they pass one, it hurts everyone's personal economy, the national economy and the world economy.
Mr. President, you say the state of union is looking good. But that's because you and your media friends are living in a bubble of fantasy.
The reality, according to a recent NBC poll, is that nearly 60 percent of the country believes were on the wrong track.