What happens when Americans have to choose between Biden’s gross incompetence and corruption and their loathing of Donald Trump? Also, though when you think of John Fetterman and clothes you probably think of some sort of animal-skin loincloth, but lo and behold, this brain-addled golem is now setting the fashion standard for the Senate.
Everything is fine.
Bidenomics Is To Economic Prosperity As Hunter Is To Not Cavorting With Hookers
I’m not some sort of math genius, but I know that $103 divided by 16.7 gallons equals The Gasoline Is Too Damn High. You know, I filled up the sweet K-ride today and looked across the road at a building that must have 200,000 square feet and there’s a big for lease sign in front of it and you know what? It’s been 'For Lease' for years. And earlier, Irina and I had lunch at a nice new Mediterranean place and it was nothing fancy but it was good and it was like $37 for two of us. Then, on my way home, I passed a bunch of hobos, derelicts, and junkies, all of whom infest the streets of this, Ted Lieu’s congressional district.
Yet I’m told that Bidenomics is working, and I guess it is, if you’re America’s enemy and you want our lives to suck. It’s sure hard to come to any other conclusion but that the people controlling the desiccated, perverted, old puppet in the White House really do you want your lives to suck. Well, at least they’re getting something accomplished.
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Now, we’ve known that the economy was bad ever since Trump left office. But what we VIP readers think isn’t important. We are already going to vote for the most based candidate. What is important is what regular people think, the kind who don’t pay a lot of attention to politics and mostly watch network TV. Now, a lot of these people really, really hate Donald Trump because of that collection of personal quirks, characteristics, and qualities that we sum up as “mean tweets.” But here’s the thing. At some point, your hatred of the guy for mocking Rosie O’Donnell gets overshadowed by the fact that you can’t afford a Big Mac and fries anymore.
No, nobody actually likes Joe Biden. I’m not even sure if Joe Biden likes Joe Biden, but that’s mostly because he senile and doesn’t know who the hell he is. He used to be Personable Joe, but that was back when he was a senator from a minor state. Now that he’s allegedly president, people are paying attention, and they hate him. Combine all his manifestations of senility, his shameless corruption, and the sheer weirdness of a guy who took showers with his daughter, and there goes any residual fantasy of Beer Buddy Biden. So, if Donald Trump does win the nomination, which is not a given but you can’t argue that he’s not far ahead, we are going to find out whether the hatred of mean tweets is outweighed by the hatred of being impoverished by President Gumby’s awful policies.
It could happen. I’m not convinced it will. And I’m not convinced that a bunch of polls that show Trump tied with Biden or a little ahead are accurate, especially when you dig into the crosstabs and find pollsters insisting that 20% of black Americans are going to go for the Orange Man and that Trump is winning with women. I’d love nothing more than the Republican, whoever it is, to be ahead of Biden, but whenever anybody tells me what I want to hear, I immediately become suspicious.
This is going to be an interesting campaign in about 600 ways, including the possibility that some of it may be conducted from a prison cell. You have one candidate that a lot of people think is a terrible person running for president, and another guy who is president that who a lot of people think is a terrible president. So if it is Trump versus Biden – Round 2, much of America is going to have to ask itself which one of these guys it hates less.
Wear A Suit, You Bloated Freak
OK, I’m not Mr. Formal. I’m often walking around my law office in cargo shorts and flip-flops. But you know who’s not walking around my office? Clients. They rarely come to my office. Most are very far away. But if I do have to see them, I’m dressed for the occasion. I have a federal court appearance coming up. I’m not going to dress like I’m heading to a Limp Bizkit reunion concert. I’m going to have on a suit and tie and look like a freaking adult.
Which brings us to the US Senate, which is famously not known for being packed with adults, except in purely chronological terms. It turns out that the bizarre ogre from Pennsylvania wants to go on the floor looking like your shiftless cousin George who sleeps on your aunt’s futon out in the garage since he just lost his job at Weiner World because he somehow managed to blow his gig being in charge of heating up the pre-packaged chili.
It’s easy to ask what the big deal is about mere appearances and say how you can’t judge a book by the cover and all that nonsense. In fact, you can judge a book by its cover. That’s why I pay a ton of money for really good covers for my books. If you look like a deadbeat loser, you probably are a deadbeat loser. Case in point: John Fetterman.
But you’re also disrespectful while pretending to be a hero, and that is really his point. Well, he’s John Fetterman and he’s not going to play by anybody else’s rules! Yeah, how edgy. That’s true courage. Where is his parade?
The reason he wants to violate these cultural mores is to stick it to the squares. Remember, this guy’s a rich kid. He’s not some hardscrabble prole who worked his way up. He’s just a bum suckling at the trust fund teat. When he shows up to work in the Senate dressed like a fourth-tier white rapper - Yo, MC Spazzy F is in the sen-sen! - He’s really giving you the middle finger. Of course, he doesn’t have the coordination to actually give you the middle finger. In fact, he probably doesn’t have the coordination to dress himself.
Not surprisingly, Chuck Schumer indulges this hulking man-child and his obnoxious performance art. But what really ought to insult the people of the Keystone State is that Blobba Fett seems to think that Pennsylvanians are saps who are going to be impressed at his cool rebel vibe for refusing to dress like an adult on adult occasions to do adult business. But you do have to credit him for one accomplishment, which I think we can all agree is pretty amazing.
He’s found a way to make us think even less of the United States Senate.
Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. Get his non-fiction book We’ll Be Back: The Fall and Rise of America, as well as Inferno, the seventh book in the Kelly Turnbull People's Republic series of conservative action novels set in America after a notional national divorce. Novel number eight, Overlord, drops October 1!
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