Opinion

2020 Was the Brian Stelter of Years

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Posted: Dec 28, 2020 12:01 AM
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2020 Was the Brian Stelter of Years

Source: Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP

The year 2020 will go down as exceedingly dumb, exceptionally dishonest, and utterly ridiculous, the calendar equivalent of that human potato who presides over a miserable TV show on the Airport News Network. Here’s how lame the year was – a Fox News host credited someone who was not me with observing that bulbous tuber is a potato, as well as dubbing him “Tater.” That moniker is my proudest achievement except, perhaps, my pioneering use of the cruise ship emoji to designate the Fredocon losers. Way to finish the year on yet another outrage. This year can’t end soon enough, though (as my next column shall expand upon) 2021 hardly bodes better.

Every year I predict things and every year things turn out far stupider than I imagined. My 2020 predictions, like everyone else’s except Michael Crichton’s, missed the big story, the worldwide freakout over a moderately more virulent flu than usual that drove the globalist Establishment to demand everyone who was not one of them wrap a diaper around their pieholes and demolish their livelihoods in an effort to cheat death by slipping past the 99.9 percent survival rate for regular folks. I admit it – I did not see societal suicide coming, at least not cultural hara kiri in the form of a pandemic panic promoted by French Laundry regulars and the admitted liars we stupidly handed over control of our public health system to.

Otherwise, I did okay. Before I even get to evaluating to my specific predictions, I need to take credit for telling you to buy guns and ammunition, which you did – to the tune of 21 million new freedom modules. This is a good start, but America’s gun crisis continues…millions of citizens lack the firepower to deter and destroy criminals and tyrants. It’s America’s greatest challenge.

Here’s my 2020 Top 10 countdown and how I did on each.

10. Trump Will Be Impeached…Yawn: I told you Nancy Pelosi would try it and fail and she did. I told you the Murder Turtle would put a round in its forehead. And I told you that “Mitt the Gimp will vote for it because he’s weak and stupid.” 

9. The Economy Will Stay Strong, Disappointing Democrats: This one was mixed. They tried to destroy the economy with flu foolishness yet it keeps stubbornly coming back. Remember, they want you poor. You’re easier to control when you are begging for scraps.

8. Virginia Will Declare War on Its Citizens: The liberals who had been elected as moderates in the Old Dominion in 2019 tried to oppress their citizens but caught a lot of push-back. Not enough to turn the state from blue back to American, but it did not quite become California – at least not yet. And the commonwealth’s garbage governor has still not clarified if he was the one in blackface or the Klan get-up.

7. Replacing Justice Ginsburg: I called this one, right down to Trump naming Amy Coney Barrett and Cocaine Mitch jamming her through. I predicted she would have to deny that she ran a rape gang in elementary school, but instead, she basically had to deny she is a Handmaid’s Tale LARPer. Close enough.

6. Trans Fascism Backlash: The anticipated backlash against this bizarre cultural delusion was not particularly pronounced, yet, but “normal people are getting tired of being told they have to lie and say there are 631 sexes, and they are tired of militant jerks wanting boys hanging out in their girls’ locker room, and they are getting sick of boys winning girls’ sports championships.” Instead of getting mad when some pinko creep starts babbling about “cis-het transphobiness,” most people are more like “Yeah, whatevs. No one cares about your obsessions.”

5. Pardon This: Got this one! “General Mike Flynn, Roger Stone, and Paul Manafort will all be cleared, probably right after the election.” Now Trump needs to pardon everyone else. And I mean everyone

4. Durham’s Indictments: Well, there was one, some rando flunky they caught lying on a FISA application. Meh. So far, Durham has been yet another disappointment in a long line of DOJ disappointments. If you think justice is coming, if you think Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit and that Looming Doofus Comey and the rest of that squalid little clique will ever be held accountable, stop day drinking. It’s clouding your mind. 

3. Foreign Policy Success: I called this. The National Security Council, “under the properly low-key and sober guidance of Robert O’Brien,” has been a paragon of competence and success. Under O’Brien, we cut back on overseas conflicts, continued the military rebuild, and finally broke the Middle East peace deadlock that the smart set of our useless foreign policy establishment said was unbreakable. Of course, President Asterisk will squander it all, but we’ll always have 2020. Oh, and I rightly predicted a higher profile for future president Ric Grenell.    

2. Democrats Will Lose the House:  Close, but not quite. Wait until 2022. 

1. Trump Will Get Reelected: I was right on this one. He got reelected. It’s just that the giant scam that was the 2020 election stole it. 

I predicted they would nominate Grandpa Badfinger and thought he would pick Sitting Bolshevik as his VP. I also thought “[h]e’s gotta choose a girl and Willie Brown’s Ex is out for dissing him,” but I didn’t count on his total lack of personal dignity. I predicted that “[o]nce nominated, Gropey J will continue to commit gaffes,” and predicted that “the Lil’ Crackpipe factor” would mean nothing because “Hoover Biden, the nominee’s Snortunate Son, will have another crack issue, or another paternity suit, or maybe both – which the garbage media will tell us is none of our business and is not important.” 

So, I missed the flu, and I just missed the left’s flex in a half-dozen blue metro areas to steal the election. I also missed the riots, which I though would come after the Trump reelection in 2021. Kind of big things to miss. But then again no one could get this most Tatery twelve months right. Dumb, repulsive, and annoying – yes, 2020 was truly the Brian Stelter of years.

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Of course, my greatest prognostications are inside my action-packed conservative novels that chronicle America torn apart into red and blue nations, with antics and gunplay ensuing. The hep kids are all using the Amazon gift cards their comrades gave them as Kwanzaa presents to get my newest novel Crisis, as well as the other four novels, People's RepublicIndian CountryWildfireand Collapse!