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Liberals Fail, Volume XXXVII

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

It’s been a sad week to be a liberal, again. Nothing seems to be going right for our betters and aspiring masters. America continues to prosper, to their dismay. Their conspiracy theories are turning into borscht. Donald Trump is breaking their collective collectivist spirit. They can’t even manage to effectively blame conservatives for things conservatives didn’t do.


Bathe in their tears. The salty goodness of their sob juice will add a radiant glow to your skin and put a spring in your step.

People are digging the tax bill, which is weird since it killed all of those who survived the mass extinction that followed Trump’s withdrawal from the Paris Climate Grift. The stock market bump has largely stopped bumping. Remember the other week when the savvy market players at MSNBC were hoping that Paul Krugman’s stock tips were finally going to pay off? Yeah, not so much. There is nothing that liberals hate more than the inevitable prosperity that follows the inauguration of a truly conservative administration.

But what about George W. Bush!?!?!?!?

Like I said, the inevitable prosperity that follows the inauguration of a truly conservative administration.

The Democrats tiptoed through the tulips into the kill zone of Donald Trump’s immigration ambush and still probably think they won even as their fantasies of a dozen million new Democrats lies there, a pile of smoldering rubble. Trump played it as we hoped – he never really wanted to give the amnesty he offered, but he offered enough to build up the dreams of the Dreamers knowing that the Democrats would crush those dreams under their Birkenstocks. See, if the Democrats had gone for Trump’s proposal and imposed real border security, not only would that have turned off the Fresh Democrat Voter spigot but would have left them with zip to pretend to trade for amnesty for the big score, the other 10 million plus illegal aliens who have invaded our country. But now the Democrats have nothing, and Trump is tweeting to Dreamers – accurately – that the Democrats betrayed them because all the Democrats really care about is replacing the current electorate with a more bueno one.


Democrats, why do you hate Dreamers’ dreams?

The liberals were also sad about how they can’t blame the recent shooting on conservatives – at least not honestly. How many outright false stories did their Democrat transcriptionists in the mainstream media have to correct as they desperately tried to tie this murderer to patriotic conservatives? It’s got to be deeply disappointing when, time after time, the killers stubbornly refuse to be conservative, observant Christian or Jewish NRA members. Instead, Jackie Earle Haley’s mutant doppelgänger cultivates the kind of anti-Semitic, race-obsessed weirdness that would have made him fit right in on any liberal college campus.

The liberals’ lies no longer work, and they are realizing it. Too bad they got nothing else. They demand more power for the government, yet in seemingly every one of these cases it turns out the government has totally dropped the ball. Perhaps tracking down a guy who babbles online about shooting up a school cuts into their on-the-job sexting action. Better give the bureaucrats who screwed-up this and multiple other cases even more power, and take rights away from the citizens who didn’t do anything wrong because…uh…well, uh, you must like mass murder if you dare ask questions like that!

Nope, not an effective argument. And the liberals seem to know it. They are just going through the motions with their reflexive claims that the Normals who had nothing to do with this atrocity are to blame. Whether you are some stand-up comic tweets about how Normals “blood on your hands” because a dirtbag mutant a continent away committed a crime after the FBI shrugged, or a millennial doofus who writes for Vox trying to explain Heller without stating its basic holding, it just doesn’t work anymore. Nor do tweets about how awful it is that Trump is smiling with the heroes from that awful day – it must means he likes school shootings, I guess. Seems legit. Whatever.


The left is shooting intellectual and rhetorical blanks, because now we’re – wait for it – woke. We see the truth. No one who wants us to give up our guns does so because they want us to be more able to defend ourselves from crime or tyranny. Their agenda is clear, no matter how much they lie and deny.

Disarmament is key to converting us from citizens to subjects, and we’re just not playing that game. So they mutter about the NRA – which you need to join if you dig freedom – and we keep buying guns and ammunition to create the facts on the ground that will ensure their long-sought after end state of another Venezuela will never happen here.

And for the folks who forgot about that whole American Revolution thing, and are unfamiliar with the insurgencies in Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan, here’s a look at the power of armed citizens with small arms and how they can absolutely fight and win against would-be dictators in the modern world.

Then there’s their pivot to the latest bimbo trying to use an alleged ancient fling with the president to get some attention. The liberals once again got all aroused by the idea that this would do him in with his fans: Well, your so-called president got with a Playboy Playmate and also a porn star and also a Slovenian super model and…..and…wait…

Yeah, that’ll totally take out Trump. We’ll turn on him because he allegedly scored with too many hot women.

You know, we kept warning them how they would hate the new rules, and now they so do. You normalize Oval Office trysts with chubby cigar aficionados and then when you start whining because a then-playboy canoodles with a then-Playboy Playmate, and you’re stunned that instead of us hanging our heads we start offering high-fives?


We don’t care. That’s the new rule. Learn it. Know it. Live it.

And then there’s Robert Mueller and his agonized admission that no American citizens were willingly involved with Russian meddling in the election. Note the word is now “meddling.” They don’t use the word “collusion” anymore since Mueller admitted that there was no collusion – which is what we’ve been saying for over a year in response to Team Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit’s pathetic attempt to explain away her humiliating defeat at the hands of patriotic Americans.

Instead of frog-marching the whole of Trump World out of the West Wing for partying with Putin, Mueller’s festival of liberal onanism has instead resulted in indictments of a bunch of trolls who remain safely out-of-reach in Vladivostok, the better to avoid the feds being humiliated in court like they were by Cliven Bundy. But hey – they were going for Trump and instead got the mastermind manipulators behind 13 follower accounts such as @MAGATrumpMAGAGuy and @BernieSuperFan72, so that’s almost as good.

“Collusions” fades to “meddling” which fades to “random tweeting” which fades to framed victim of liberal machinations Mike Flynn either withdrawing his coerced guilty pleas or getting a presidential pardon based on the tidal wave of recent revelations of wrongdoing swirling about his railroading. Either one works.

Yeah, it’s been a sad week to be a liberal, again. Good.

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