Last week, a young woman who never thought she would make it to 40 years died at 41. Her message to the world was about remembering that we are all mortal -- and she meant it in an encouraging way. Use your time well and give thanks.
Emily DeArdo was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis (CF) at 11. She almost died as she was graduating from college. A double-lung transplant saved her life.
She told me she wasn't afraid of death, but dying was another thing. Especially during COVID. Emily and her family had been through so much suffering together. To not be together would be agony. She was so grateful she didn't die during that awful time, when so many died alone.
Emily wrote a book about death, titled "Memento Mori." I recommend it even though most of us don't really want to think about death. But it's important to do so, because it makes death less terrifying and exotic and focuses our lives.
"I'm not afraid of death," she told me, "because as a Catholic Christian I know that my home is with Jesus in heaven forever. ... I feel at peace with death."
Emily experienced so much pain but didn't feel like a victim. She believed that not only is no one is entitled to a life without suffering, but that the creator of the universe makes use of every bit of our efforts, sacrifices and, yes, suffering. She believed there was a purpose in her having CF. She said, God "created me for a reason, and CF is part of how he created me -- so it's part of my reason for existing. It's part of my vocation."
I talked to her in 2020. "Suddenly, everyone had been confronted with the fact that death is here!" she reflected. "It's real! We can't escape it! There's really nothing we can do to avoid it. Suddenly, everyone's talking about respiratory issues and ventilators and hospital ICUs, and it felt like a whole part of my world that no one ever saw was being thrust into the spotlight.
"I think at its heart, this is about control," Emily said, "or the illusion of control. ... We have no control over how long we're here. That's entirely in God's hands. Sure, we can do things to keep our bodies and minds healthy, and that's important! But in the end, our mortality is a fact of life. We will die. So how are we living today?"
This is not the first time in recent weeks when I have written about the life of a person who was probably somewhat obscure to the mainstream world, but who was also probably a saint. Emily DeArdo lived her life with joy in the midst of her suffering, and loved her family and friends who accompanied her with such gratitude.
"Every single life has worth," Emily told me when I talked with her about her book. She emphasized that she believed this "passionately." The value of life is not about productivity, but about the life. We forget that because we fear suffering. But we cannot throw away life. She was grateful for her Catholic faith that understood and communicated this, and wanted to spread its lesson, example and hope.
Consider buying Emily's book, "Memento Mori," for a reflection on the big questions that we should all be thinking about, whatever we do or do not believe. And if you are a person of prayer, whisper a prayer for her family and friends who are grieving, and for all who died lately who won't have a column written about them.
(Kathryn Jean Lopez is senior fellow at the National Review Institute, editor-at-large of National Review magazine and author of the new book "A Year With the Mystics: Visionary Wisdom for Daily Living." She is also chair of Cardinal Dolan's pro-life commission in New York, and is on the board of the University of Mary. She can be contacted at klopez@nationalreview.com.)
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