The following is intended to be humorous, going around the internet.
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)- The following is a letter released today by Lloyd Blankfein, the chairman of banking giant Goldman Sachs:
Up until now, Goldman Sachs ($GS) has been silent on the subject of the protest movement known as Occupy Wall Street. That does not mean, however, that it has not been very much on our minds. As thousands have gathered in Lower Manhattan, passionately expressing their deep discontent with the status quo, we have taken note of these protests. And we have asked ourselves this question:
How can we make money off them?
The answer is the newly launched Goldman Sachs Global Rage Fund, whose investment objective is to monetize the Occupy Wall Street protests as they spread around the world. At Goldman, we recognize that the capitalist system as we know it is circling the drain – but there’s plenty of money to
be made on the way down. The Rage Fund will seek out opportunities to invest in products that are poised to benefit from the spreading protests, from police batons and
barricades to stun guns and forehead bandages. Furthermore, as clashes between police and protesters turn ever more violent, we are making significant bets on companies that manufacture replacements for broken windows and overturned cars, as well as the raw materials necessary for the construction and incineration of effigies.
It would be tempting, at a time like this, to say “Let them eat cake.” But at Goldman, we are actively seeking to corner the market in cake futures. We project that through our aggressive market manipulation, the price of a piece of cake will quadruple by the end of 2011.
Please contact your Goldman representative for a full prospectus. As the world descends into a Darwinian free-for-all, the Goldman Sachs Rage Fund is a great way to tell the protesters, “Occupy this.” We haven’t felt so good
about something we’ve sold since our souls.
Chairman, Goldman Sachs
NYSE goes for internalization. If you can’t beat them, join them. Price transparency in the stock market is messed up.
Howard Stern at Occupy Wall Street.
Silicon Valley can’t save California, and it can’t save the US.
Reminds me of the Great Depression when they needed migrant workers. Okies and the Grapes of Wrath.
Things are coming together nicely at Murmur Creek. Can’t wait for the telescope to start transmitting images.
La Nina. Been watching it closely all year. Supposed to make for a cold and snowy winter in a lot of the US. Ironically, in places like Alaska, it gets cold but is really dry when it comes to precipitation.
Budget math. Obama will claim credit for cutting the budget because it was supposed to grow by more than 5%, but it still grew by 5%. Plus, the Democratically controlled Senate hasn’t passed a budget in over 900 days. That’s 2.46 years.
Number of start ups in Illinois is rising. Part of this is due to lack of jobs in established companies. The other part is because the start up climate in Chicago is hot.