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OPINION

'Fidel Castro is Macho!' Squeals A Smitten Bill Maher

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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As his audience clapped and squealed like seals last week a smirking Bill Maher gushed that: “Castro is a Bad*ss because we (the U.S.) have been trying to kill him for 60 years!” His trained seals howled and clapped --not at the (alleged) assassination attempts, obviously-- but at their failure against the mass-murderer who had craved to nuke them.

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Their wisecracking host smirked-- not at the (alleged) assassination attempts, obviously—but at his apparent crush on the mass-murderer whose “constitution” mandates two years in prison for any of his subjects overheard wisecracking about him.

Welcome to yet another week of Alice in Castroland. Actually, what Alice found after tumbling down the rabbit hole makes more sense than what we hear and read about Cuba/Castro from the MSM/Hollywood axis almost daily.

Bill Maher has a large and intrepid staff—at least he used to. After arranging my four Politically Incorrect gigs and after spending plenty time in the ABC greenroom with some, I certainly got that impression. If those folks are still around, Bill Maher should have them look up some actual history on U.S. “hostility” to Castro.

"Without U.S. help Castro would never have gotten into power,” flatly testified former U.S. Ambassador to Cuba, Earl T. Smith during Congressional testimony in 1960.

“We ended up getting exactly what we’d wanted all along,” snickered Nikita Khrushchev in his diaries regarding the Cuban-Missile "Crisis" resolution 3 years later. “Until today the U.S. has complied with her promise not to interfere with Castro and not to allow anyone else to interfere with Castro.”

So far from “defying” a superpower, “Bad*ss!” Castro shot, bombed and lied his way to power with the moral and material help of one superpower, and has poked along lo these many years by hiding behind the skirts of two superpowers plus the British Empire. After the Missile Crisis "resolution" Castro's "defiance" of the U.S. took the form of the Coast Guard of the most powerful nation on earth and even the British Navy (when the genuinely Bad*ss Cuban freedom-fighters moved their operation to the Bahamas) shielding Castro from exile attacks by arresting his Cuban-exile enemies.

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While cowering behind the skirts of his omni-powerful bodyguard and Sugar-Daddy “Bad*ss” Castro was free to imprison and torture Cuban women and girls by the thousands, and even murder many. This cowardly totalitarian horror was utterly unknown in our Hemisphere until Castro’s “Macho” rule. The crimes for which some of these girls and ladies were tortured consisted of being overheard saying things about (Bad-*ss!) Fidel Castro similar to those (Bad-*ss!) Bill Maher says about Sarah Palin and Ann Romney almost weekly.

While cowering safely behind these skirts the “Macho Bad*ss!” was also free to murder hundreds of defenseless Cuban children.

Care to meet some GENUINE Cuban Bad*asses, Mr Maher? Many of these same Cuban freedom fighters mentioned above were outnumbered 30 to one and betrayed by their “allies” at the Bay of Pigs (51 years ago this very week.) Yet they fought to their last bullet and thrashed their Soviet led and armed enemies to the tune of 20 to one in casualties. Later they ran Che Guevara out of Africa with his tail between his legs and witnessed his whimpering capture in Bolivia. The ones captured stood tall, proud, defiant (and silent) through ghastly torture by Castro’s KGB–tutored secret-police. But they went to their deaths by Castroite firing-squad defiantly yelling “Down with Communism!”

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I mention them just in case you’re interested in meeting some genuine Cuban “Bad*sses!” Bill Maher. These men (boys at the time, actually) GENUINELY defied a superpower. A few of these survivors live in South Florida today. After your latest Castro quip they’d be delighted, I’m sure, to chat with you. I have their contact info as I still have your staff’s. So here’s to a meet-up!

From high school, through college, to senility, the sight of a man with both hands free to fight has always palsied Fidel Castro with fright. His gifts of gab and guile (historically acclaimed as female traits) have always seen him through. In high school he'd whimper cravenly for his foe's clemency. Ask Ramon Mestre who pounded him like a gong in fistfights. In college he'd convince potential foes of his fealty - before shooting them, and always in the back, after an ambush. Ask the families of Manolo Castro and Oscar Fernandez Caral.

As Maximum leader he could finally bind them, blindfold them and shove them against the blood-spattered wall. Here, at long last, Castro's foes were finally shot from the front. Ask thousands of Cuban families. One thing Castro’s fallen foes (male and female, adult, juvenile and infant) all have in common is having been utterly defenseless at the time of their murder.

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“But what about all those hundreds of CIA assassination attempts?” comes the reflexive retort.

Well, let’s skip the documentary co-produced by the head of Castro’s KGB-founded Intelligence service Fabian Escalante (the MSM’s favorite source.) Instead let’s consult some primary sources who need not fear for their lives by telling the truth. To wit: In the early 60s, the late E. Howard Hunt was head of the political division of the CIA’s “Cuba Project.” “So far as I have been able to determine,” Hunt clarified in his book Give Us This Day, “no coherent plan was ever developed within the CIA to assassinate Castro, though it was the heart’s desire of many exile groups.” Interestingly, Hunt stressed that killing Castro was his own recommendation. But he couldn’t get any serious takers within the agency.

Apparently old habits die hard. To wit:

“Everyone in the CIA and everyone at State was pro-Castro, except [Republican] ambassador Earl Smith.” (CIA operative in Santiago Cuba 1957-60, Robert Weicha.)

Even the liberal-dominated and anti-CIA (of the time) Frank Church Committee found that the assassination stories were mostly a crock. From the Committee’s very records:

“In August 1975, Fidel Castro gave Senator George McGovern a list of twenty-four alleged attempts to assassinate him in which Castro claimed the CIA had been involved…The Committee has found no evidence that the CIA was involved in the attempts on Castro’s life enumerated in the allegations that Castro gave to Senator McGovern.”

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Time for a different man-crush, Bill Maher.

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