I loved few things as much as Star Wars as a kid. I’d sometimes pretend to be Luke Skywalker if only to use the lightsaber, but I was always more of a Han Solo kind of guy. Still, anything Star Wars was cool. Then I grew up, Princess Leia became an addict and died with coke and heroin in her system, and Luke turned into a left-wing jackass on social media.
It shouldn’t surprise anyone when an actor turns out to be a left-wing troll. Being a progressive ass on social media is critical to getting auditions in Hollywood, especially if you haven’t mattered in a while.
Honestly, I don’t really care about an actor’s politics; I’d have to be a special kind of stupid to take my political cues from someone who likely “graduated” high school on a set with a Screen Actors Guild “teacher.” I just want them to entertain me for an hour and a half; I can handle the rest.
Still, when I saw an email from “Mark Hamill,” I was curious. “Which left-wing pile of garbage thought Luke Skywalker would help rake in the campaign cash?” I wondered. The answer should have been obvious: Adam Schiff.
Schiff, the balloon-headed fraud from California who looks like South Park’s Mr. Mackey come to life, once fancied himself a screenwriter. He went into politics without having enough talent to take someone else’s work, update it to modern times, and call it a remake. But he’s clearly spent his life sucking up to celebrities, just in case. He also sucked up Ed Buck, the Democrat mega-donor who got off by killing gay black men. Diversify, I guess.
When his sugar daddy went to prison for multiple murders, Schiff turned to the acting rear-ends he’d been kissing for help.
I’m not sure who thinks Mark Hamill is a “get,” but it is better than a sharp stick in the eye. But only just barely.
Why? Because the fundraising email is one of the cheesiest, dumbest attempts to play on faded celebrities you’ll ever see.
It’s unclear what anyone would know Hamill from other than Star Wars. He’s been in a lot of stuff, but it all sucked, and he does voice-over work, as “cartoonish” is the best way to describe his acting ability. But just in case you weren’t sure who he was, the subject line reads, “These are dark times. Adam Schiff gives me hope.”
Get it? “Dark” side of the force, a new “hope”? Pathetic.
When you open the email, you see what appears to be a more heavily digitally altered picture of Hamill than the number Disney did, de-aging him in the Mandalorian. “Hi, friend – I hope you’ll give me a minute to explain why I’m supporting Adam Schiff for the U.S. Senate. Over the last six years, our democracy has been tested like never before. And in those dark times, Adam gave me hope. I hope that our democracy will survive. Hope that not only will we get through this but that we will come out on the other side and our democracy can be strong again. Hope,” it reads, just in case you didn’t get the “a new hope” reference.
“Here’s the thing,” it continues, “it would have been easy for Adam to stay on the sidelines and let someone else take all the heat for defending our democracy against Trump’s many abuses of office. But instead, he stood up and led us through dark times. And as I got to know Adam better during those years, I saw true character and determination. A willingness to put himself and his career on the line to hold a dangerous demagogue accountable.”
Aside from the laughable idea that anyone has ever been “led” by a Member of Congress, you have to chuckle at the concept of Schiff putting “his career on the line” at any point. Schiff won reelection in 2022 with 71.1 percent of the vote. In 2020 he got 72.7 percent. In the three election cycles before that, his winning percentage was 78, 73, and 77. In other words, his district is so gerrymandered that he could easily win reelection if one of his closest donors turned out to be a gay, racist multiple killers. Oh, wait, he was.
The Force may be strong with the character Mark Hamill played, but intelligence isn’t when it comes to the man. Which probably explains why he’s supporting Adam Schiff for Senate.
