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Florida has a Fresca with Smails

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

I completely understand why central Florida was awestruck by Mitt Romney. 

It makes perfect sense to me.  However, it could be a bit of a drawback when we approach the general election. 

You see, most folks who voted in the Republican primary in Florida (ex-Tea Party members) fit a particular mold, at least in my mind they do. 

Let’s take a step back for a moment. 

Every time I watch Mitt Romney on television or listen to him speak, the first thing that I need to get over is his name, Mitt.  It harkens me back to the days of Sissy, Buffy, and Biff, Ivy League through and through. 

I can just picture Romney in 1970s traditional country club attire, lime green jacket, plaid pants, white belt, and white buck shoes.  For much of America, specifically the X & Y Generation, these Ivy League names and outfits are throwbacks to another era, a period of time that for many was punctuated by the weekly Saturday night dinner dance at the golf club. 

The majority of Americans never experienced nor grew up in that lifestyle, but I’m certain that Mitt did, as did Buffy and Biff. 

As I continued to listen to the Florida victory speech, I was certain the country club crowd had come out in droves in order to support their man. 

Then it dawned on me, I wasn’t watching Mitt Romney, I was really watching Judge Smails, the character portrayed by Ted Knight in Caddyshack. 

Can you really imagine Newt, Ron, or Rick standing toe-to-toe with Rodney Dangerfield?  Of course not. 

On the other hand, Biff (sorry, I mean Mitt) Romney hanging out with Rodney, absolutely! 

The Baby Boomers in Florida still long for the good-old country club days, which is why most drive golf carts. 

Therefore, the voting results were a foregone conclusion. 

Nobody really saw Biff Romney (oops, there I go again), it seemed they saw Caddyshack

Everyone else should have saved their money.  The lesson to be learned from Florida is that people are not looking at the candidates as they are; rather, they are only recognizing the candidates as they want them to be. 

So, a few suggestions: 

First, to Newt, dress and speak like John Wayne, especially when you’re out west.  To Ron, act a little more like Yoda, the hunched back is good.  Finally, to Rick, lighten up a little and convey the Justin Bieber look. 

Florida was a given. 

My main concern now is hearing President Biff Romney say to Congress “Well, we’re waiting…!”

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