Rich Galen

Let's get this straight at the beginning. The way the soon-to-be-Governor-of-cell-block-E, Rod Blagojevich, pronounces his name is bluh-GOY-uh-vich. Say it together. bluh-GOY-uh-vich.

And, Governor bluh-GOY-uh-vich is a DEMOCRAT.

Here. Cut along the dotted lines and take it into work so you can be the smartest person at the Mr. Coffee Machine:

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I mean, really. Who else provides you with this kind of service?

Ok, so old Democratic Governor Rod bluh-GOY-uh-vich has been under investigation by the U.S. Attorney's office in Illinois. In case anyone forgot who the U.S. Attorney is in that office, his name is Patrick Fitzgerald - of Scooter Libby fame.

We know, from painful experience, that Mr. Fitzgerald is the pitbull WITHOUT the lipstick of whom Gov. Palin spoke so eloquently at the Republican National Convention.

Dem-oh-crat bluh-GOY-uh-vich knew he was under investigation, but figured, what the hell. He's the Democratic Governor and he can pardon himself. Unless, he's under investigation by the Feds. Then only the President can pardon him and President Bush is not likely to do that in the next 40-some-odd days and President-elect Obama has notified one and all that he (a) didn't know Illinois had a Governor, (b) can't pronounce Blagojevich and (c) still has only the vaguest memory of ever having gone to any church which was overseen by Rev. Jeremiah Wright.

Democratic Governor (let's cut this short) B. was caught on wire-tapped phone calls trying to sell the U.S. Senate seat abdicated by Democratic President-elect Obama to the highest bidder.

He wanted the bidding to start at the $300,000 - $500,000 range. The money to be paid to his wife, MRS. Bluh-GOY-uh-vich who's maiden name was Mell (hello? You traded Mell for Blagojevich? You deserve what you get) for serving on corporate boards.

Pretty clever this (let's be even more efficient) Dem. Gov. B.

You might have thought that the attorney representing D. Gov. B. (I was going to shorten that even more to G. B. but I knew you would send me a cranky e-mail telling me that you thought I meant George Bush who is not a Democrat) would have been informed by Fitzgerald's office that he should present his client at the Federal building in Chicago or Springfield or wherever at 10 AM this morning for processing and, what with D. Gov. B. being a D. Gov. and all he would show up at the time and place required.

Rich Galen

Rich Galen has been a press secretary to Dan Quayle and Newt Gingrich. Rich Galen currently works as a journalist and writes at