Lee  Culpepper

Watching the “Reverend” Jeremiah Wright gesticulate like a horny peacock and spew out ignorance, hatred, and bitterness towards America truly inspired my religious faith (View Wright’s sermon).

Once Wright pointed out that he was “still in Bible country,” I began to “love the hell out of” rich, white people just as much as Wright does.

How could so many people not understand that white people have caused all the world’s problems? As Wright pointed out to his congregation, the Bible says it’s so. I’m not sure what verse actually says that, but I’m now betting that rich, white people are responsible for my biblical ignorance.

Regardless, I’m rejoicing because I have prayed for forgiveness that God made me white, not Wright. I’m also praying for all the people Reverend Wright identified as “Negroes who just don’t get it.” I hope that Wright will change and that those “Negroes” won’t make him “sick” anymore.

I don’t know about you, but I feel liberated now that I realize that my own stupid decisions and selfish actions are no longer my fault. Now that I won’t have to accept responsibility for my thoughts, my words, or my decisions, I am thanking God for creating rich, white people for me to blame all my problems on. I’m also thanking God for justifying my sin whenever I allow myself to think something I shouldn’t about other people -- just as Reverend Wright has taught me to do.

Praise the Lord that I’m not like rich, white Hillary -- I actually know what it’s like to have “a cab whiz by me.” But I didn’t realize, until last week though, that my not being white enough was probably the reason I was shunned. Thanks to Reverend Wright, now I understand that rich, white people were responsible for those non-white cab drivers’ refusing to pick me up.

I also realize now that rich, white people are responsible for poor children growing up in single-parent families. I used to think that the irresponsible sexual behavior and lack of commitment between the children’s parents were responsible. But I guarantee these parents feel a lot better knowing their fornication is someone else’s fault. Thanks to the Wright kind of reverend, I now have a totally new respect for sexually immoral people – unless they are rich and white, of course.


Lee Culpepper

Lee Culpepper is a recovering high school English teacher and former Marine. He currently teaches firearm courses and has resumed his passion for writing.