And when he had opened the third and a half seal, I heard the voice of the third and a half beast say, "Get thee a load of this."
And I looked, and behold a green horse: and his name that sat on him was Warming, and gore followed with him. And power was given unto them over the climate of the earth, to heat or to freeze, to destroy with the tempest or the lack of tempest, with flood and fire or drought and ice, and with exceeding tedium.
Hallelujah! The Southern Baptists have finally found themselves an issue in which they can be praised of men!
You see, unlike those of some other denominations, the leaders of the Southern Baptists have maddeningly asserted that marriage is between a man and a woman just because what they call the Word of God says so, and whom the call the Son of God said it, too.
If that wasn't bad enough, they also refused to exempt acts of homosexuality from Biblical injunctions against sexual immorality in general.
Such stridency is just out of step with these modern times, and nonbelievers throughout America let them know how wrong they are. The idea of a Creator God setting the rules is just too old school. God needed to get with the times, and the Baptists were standing in the way. Why couldn't they just see that Jesus was a nice man who told people to pay their taxes and give to the poor (and if you vote for the right "liberal" you can do both at the same time?
Don't underestimate the effects of these secular outcries against the Southern Baptists. They found them quite upsetting. After all, didn't Jesus tell his disciples that if they played their cards right, the world would welcome them with open arms?