Frank J. Fleming
Hey, remember when 6% was considered to be high unemployment? That's certainly a distant memory now that we've had higher than 8% unemployment for over three and a half years. But don't worry: President Obama is convinced that he's making good progress and that if he can just continue being president -- and if the Republicans are magically more accommodating in his next term -- everything will be super. Plus, if he can just tax the rich some more, then somehow -- no one can quite explain how -- that will turn everything around.

Governor Romney, on the other hand, says that the way things are progressing, we’re doomed to high unemployment and living on off-brand Ramen noodles for as long as Obama is in office. But if he's elected, Romney says he'll get things moving in the right direction with his dynamic plan of... tax cuts or something.

We'll continue to hear this kind of rhetoric until Election Day, but I just had a horrible thought: There isn't anyone actually waiting on Romney or Obama to save him, is there? Like, there isn't some unemployed person volunteering for the campaign of one of the candidates instead of putting together a resume, right? If so, that poor soul.

Politics is a game we play to help other people. And by other people, I mean people we've never met and only know as some sort of statistic we half-read about in a news article while also tweeting about what we were eating for lunch. It's fine to rely on Obama or Romney to create jobs for theoretical unemployed people you don't know, but do you really want to rely on either of them to help you out if you are struggling? When people complained to Obama about the jobs situation, his reaction was to tax people for not having health insurance. Years later, there's still no evidence he even knows what a job is, and his main focus now is on Romney's tax returns, even though I doubt the solution to the economy is hidden in them.

And Romney is only running for president because that's what rich people do when they're bored of playing with their dancing horses and car elevators. People hope he'll apply his business sense to the government, but if the government were a business, the only sensible thing would be to declare bankruptcy and shut the whole thing down. So don't get your hopes up with any of them. Politicians and the economy are like an 18-month-old and a bowl of pea soup; you will praise them effusively as long as they don't make a huge mess of things.

Frank J. Fleming

Political satirist Frank J. Fleming is the author of the HarperCollins e-books "How to Fix Everything in America Forever: The Plan to Keep America Awesome" and “Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything”. He also writes columns for the New York Post and PJ Media and posts at his blog He is the U.S.'s leading proponent of nuking the moon.