Doug Giles

Nine angelic third graders in a Waycross, Georgia elementary school were harassed by the police this week for plotting their teacher’s bloody demise.

It seems as if these tiny sweethearts had their day ruined when some judgmental kid snitched on them and they were caught—innocently enough—with a steak knife, duct tape, handcuffs, and a to-do list for each of the pre-pubescent playmates. I’m sure they meant no harm.

The industrious wee little honeys were so meticulous in their plans to proactively adjust their instructor’s bellicose behavior that they even had detailed arrangements to scrub the crime scene of any trace of evidence. Those little rascals. Brings a tear to your eye, eh?

Now, why were these darlings so righteously indignant that they were compelled to act in such a way that, possibly, might not positively release their full potential in a self-esteem enhancing manner?

Well, it appears that their repressive, anachronistic, locked in a 1950s time warp where the teacher in fact ran the class, educator actually crossed the line by correcting one of the honeys who was simply trying to entertain the class by standing in his chair while the instructor was attempting to teach.

What a witch. What was that nazi chick thinking?

Doesn’t the teacher know that she can’t correct these children who are simply displaying their creativity and releasing their unique gifts in a demonstrative way? Doesn’t the teacher know that such an authoritative and harsh action on her part (e.g. attempting to stifle the child’s free spirit by telling him to sit his butt down) could forever bruise the student’s inner child?

Hey, teacher. Leave them kids alone!

Y’know, according to the experts, it’s because of a teacher’s power trip, Christian values and lack of sensitivity that students (and their parents, too!) are:

• forced to drop the F-bomb upon educators with regularity,

• forced to threaten them with lawsuits,

• forced to create utter chaos in class,

• forced to slit their teacher’s tires if need be,

• and, as in this case, left with no other option but to tape ‘em down and carve ‘em up if the school marm ain’t going to bow and kiss the kid’s ring.

What sane person among us would fault these wounded leaders of tomorrow? What’s that, you say? You say you would? You think they’re spoiled demoniacs?

Yeah, I guess you’re right. Sometimes I get loopy after I watch the Bravo network or listen to too many Reverend Wright sermons.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.