Burt Prelutsky

It occurred to me the other day that in spite of a bad back and his marriage vows, JFK chased everything in skirts; that Gary Hart allowed his libido to sink his political career; that even nerdy Jimmy Carter confessed to having lust in his heart, although nobody in recorded history has ever been so silly or sanctimonious as to suggest that lust resided anywhere above the belt; and that Bill Clinton, like a spooky version of Mr. Rogers, patiently explained to America’s kids that oral sex isn’t really sex.

With all that in mind, doesn’t it strike you as hypocritical for the Democrats to get up in arms over a married mother of five running for the vice presidency? Doesn’t it seem at least slightly absurd that the only sexual activity that liberals frown upon is the sort that actually leads to babies being born?

Speaking of sexual activity, I came across a very peculiar traffic sign last week. We in California have long become inured to the signs depicting a family of four illegal aliens -- a father, mother and two children -- scurrying across a road. The message, I suppose, is to ignore our basic instincts, and slow down, not speed up, when we spot Mexican scofflaws sneaking into our country. The new sign I spotted is on Sunset Blvd., in West Hollywood, a community here in Los Angeles often referred to as Boys Town because it’s home to even more gays per square mile than San Francisco. The sign announced that the location was a No Cruising Zone, and that anyone caught crossing the intersection more than twice in four hours would receive a citation. I assume “citation” means a traffic ticket and not a medal, but I could be wrong. I suspect, though, that any gay hustler could beat the rap by accusing the authorities of entrapment. I mean, with all the movie star wannabes lurking in West Hollywood, how could any of them be expected to resist the opportunity to be filmed, even on a traffic camera?