John McCain: Let's see -- there was campaign finance reform, the Gang-of-14, amnesty for illegal aliens, his support of the global warming hoax, his desire to coddle terrorists at Gitmo, sucking up to the liberal press, backing the bailout -- and to top it all off, he lost the White House for the GOP in 2008 and then kept his mouth shut while his staff trashed Sarah Palin. Hey, John McCain, here's a suggestion: if you really want to put "Country First," the best thing you can do is retire in 2010 before you do any more damage.

The Democrats in Congress: At its highest levels, the Democratic Party of Nancy Pelosi, Barney Frank, Harry Reid, and Ted Kennedy has become so radical, so unmoored from reality, and so oblivious to the real world results of the things they support -- that they would literally turn America into a ramshackle, Third World sewer within a few decades if they were able to do anything they wanted. Granted, it would be a third world nation with government sponsored abortion on demand, but the Democratic Party can only continue to survive and thrive because of the very Christians, capitalists, and conservatives that they regularly disparage.

Billy Mays: You got money? Good, then I will hawk your crap while I yell! Look at this product! It's the best ever! That's the Billy Mays guarantee! Call now! We'll double it! I'm not done yet! Buy now and get 11 free! Why am I still yelling!?!

Rough toilet paper with a picture of a puppy, angel, or teddy bear on the front: If you're going to sell rough tissue paper, you should have to take the picture of the fluffy bunny hugging an angel in a pile of feathers off the front of your packaging and replace it with a wire brush. That way, people will at least get a little truth in advertising.

The "Europe Is So Wonderful" Crowd: There are so many people in this country who desperately want to turn the United States into Europe -- but, they never stop to ask: what's so great about Europe these days? Western Europe is full of nations with stagnant economies, sky high taxes, anemic militaries, below replacement birth rates, and they are in cultural turmoil. Britain is practically a police state. Immigrants in France burn cars for sport and Spain's population is halving every generation. Asking the United States to copy Europe makes about as much sense as putting Barney Frank and Chris Dodd in charge of fixing the mortgage crisis....uh, wait a second. Maybe that explains a lot.