"We're a military at war, not a nation at war," the lieutenant colonel said ever so quietly but harshly as he leaned across the table at an Austin, Texas-area Rotary Club luncheon.

"We're a military at war, not an entire country," the newly promoted Marine major said vehemently, in the confines of a classroom at the USMC Command and Staff College at Quantico, Va.

"You know what the problem is, Col. Bay. We're here at war, and the rest of the country is on its butt," the operations sergeant said to me.

Let's review the timeline. The lieutenant colonel said that to me in spring 2006. The Marine major said that to me the first week of May 2008. As for the ops sergeant, his blunt instrument of an observation hails from summer 2004, delivered in and around Baghdad and delivered often.

For the mass audience, I have scrubbed his language. But in the cinema verite version I wouldn't -- not for the sake of drama or display of tough guy anger, but for his genuine expression of deep disappointment and thorough disgust.

Anyone who spends time in the field encounters outstanding men and women from the State Department, U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) and CIA, but since 9-11 the American military and their families have certainly borne the brunt of our war efforts.

Maybe it was always so. My diet of U.S. Civil War histories has increased in the last couple of years -- the 150th anniversary of Fort Sumter is less than three years away. The Civil War remains America's "great brush with history" and close brush with national demise. I've paid more attention to descriptions of the Union's "home front," particularly in the Midwest and Illinois -- and I am certain this is due to our current experience with the War on Terror's complex home front. At times anti-war sentiments in the North were expressed as disdain for Union soldiers.

Yet in the wake of the greatest, most destructive war the United States has ever experienced, Memorial Day emerged. Decoration Day, a day in May set aside for "decorating" the graves of dead soldiers with flowers, began as a Union observance. The Website usmemorialday.org notes that Southern states "refused to acknowledge the day, honoring their dead on separate days until after World War I (when the holiday changed from honoring just those who died fighting in the Civil War to honoring Americans who died fighting in any war)."

Memorial Day became a national day, a healing day of remembrance to say "thanks," no matter one's history.

Public observances have waxed and waned. Post-World War II, they waxed. Post-Vietnam, in many places they faded. Continued...