Comey Lays Down the Law: "There is No Such Thing as Absolute Privacy in America"

Justin Holcomb
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Posted: Mar 09, 2017 11:00 AM
Comey Lays Down the Law: "There is No Such Thing as Absolute Privacy in America"

FBI Director James Comey took matters into own hands on Wednesday, overriding nearly 250 years of western enlightenment, saying that American citizens will "no longer have absolute privacy." 

From his unchallengeable pulpit, Comey took the ideas of Locke, Jefferson, and Paine into his own hands, disposing of them like a used rag.

"There is no such thing as absolute privacy in America; there is no place outside of judicial reach," Comey said at a conference in Boston. He added that our private conversations with our families, religious leaders, and attorneys will no longer be protected by the First Amendmant, a right that has emerged from 200,000 years of human evolution.

"Even our communications with our spouses, with our clergy members, with our attorneys are not absolutely private in America," Comey declared. 

And after a presidential election filled with scandal and controversy, one may think that Comey would recuse himself from the position appointed to him by Barack Obama.  Forget it.

"You're stuck with me for about another 6 1/2 years, and so I'd love to be invited back again," he boasted.

Comey justifies himself using the "national security" argument -- the idea being, 'give me your right to privacy, and I'll protect you from evil.'

The only problem is that American citizens are forced to uphold their end of the deal, while Comey can act with impunity. 

The Islamic shooter who killed five Americans in January at an Orlando airport told Comey's agency that he was on the brink of disaster months before the violent act.  Where was our protector then?

Come to think of it, maybe Americans would be better off keeping their privacy.  After all, it has served them just fine.