Here’s What Stephen Colbert Has To Say About Election Night

Erika Haas
|
Posted: Nov 10, 2016 11:50 AM
 Here’s What Stephen Colbert Has To Say About Election Night

Stephen Colbert reminds us that not matter who we voted for, there are still things that bind us together as Americans. 

When we agree on something, we always shout “YES.”

No matter your stance on Hillary’s emails, we can all agree that work emails suck. 

We all agree that a Kit-Kat should be eaten in segments, not bit into like a normal candy bar. We're not animals, here. 

Everyone knows that when ordering more than one pizza, you never order a veggie one; plain cheese is the veggie one.

We can all agree that there are too many cities named “Portland.”

We all despise those who make their living by posting prank videos to youtube.

No one will ever remember what the War of 1812 was about. 

We judge people on whether or not they hit “reply all” on mass emails. 

We all know that Alex Trebek will never die..and if he does it won’t count because it wasn’t in the form of a question. 

The low gas light in your car will always be seen as a challenge to see how far you can get with what’s left in your tank. 

We all agree that Cool Whip’s biggest appeal isn't the taste, but the free tupperware you get when it’s finished. 

We are all willing to pay extra for guac at Chipotle. 

We all like to receive real mail every once and awhile.

The first person to get seconds at a buffet wedding is a hero. 

And, above all else, we can agree that we should never have another election like this ever again. 

Was Colbert's list “silly”? Absolutely. Did it make us laugh? Of course. But more importantly, it made us realize that it’s time to put this election behind us and reunite as a nation. 

So…“get out there, kiss a Democrat, go hug a Republican, give a Libertarian a reach-around.” It doesn't really matter. “The election is over. You survived…And God bless America.”