Girl Scout cookies are back, and the new inverted food pyramid gives me permission to eat them — sort of.
I’m addicted to Girl Scout cookies, you see.
I measure Thin Mints servings by the sleeve, not the cookie.
I gobble down Tagalongs the way grizzlies gorge on wild salmon.
I once ordered so many Do-si-dos that the Girl Scout supply chain people called to tell me they “don’t-si-don’t” have enough ingredients.
So I was delighted to learn that my cookie addiction isn’t entirely my fault.
Robert F. Kennedy Jr., U.S. secretary of Health and Human Services, has criticized highly processed snacks, which scientists say are engineered to hit the “bliss point” — the perfect mix of sugar, fat and salt that can hijack the brain’s reward system and override natural fullness signals to keep us chomping.
Processed foods also contain refined flours, hydrogenated oils, emulsifiers and preservatives — cheap ingredients designed to extend shelf life and fatten profit margins.
These ingredients spike blood sugar, trigger insulin surges and store calories as fat far more efficiently than whole foods ever could — a chief reason so many Americans are chubby.
Which brings us to the food pyramid — and its dramatic makeover.
The U.S. Department of Agriculture has been tinkering with dietary guidance since 1894, when chemist W. O. Atwater issued advice on what to eat.
In 1943, the wartime “Nutrition at Work” program featured the Basic Seven food groups: milk, meat, fruits, vegetables, cereals, butter and sugar.
By the 1960s, the groups were reduced to the Basic Four: milk, meat, fruits and vegetables, and grains.
In 1977, the focus shifted away from fats and sugars in favor of loading up on carbs.
By 1984, the groups were arranged in a triangle, creating the first food pyramid.
In 1992, the food pyramid — heavily influenced by Big Agriculture and Big Food lobbyists — was remade to promote grains, dairy and meat products. Sugary breakfast cereals, bleached, fiberless bread and other highly refined junk got a free pass.
In 2011, the pyramid was replaced by MyPlate, a plate graphic that divided food into fruits, vegetables, grains, protein and dairy. Though it made meal planning easier, it didn’t warn against processed foods.
That didn’t happen until Jan. 7, 2026, when RFK Jr. and USDA Secretary Brooke Rollins completely reset the government’s 2025–2030 Dietary Guidelines.
They reintroduced the food pyramid and flipped it upside down — with protein, full-fat dairy, healthy fats, vegetables and fruits at the top and grains at the bottom.
For the first time, government guidance calls out highly processed foods, added sugars, refined carbs and artificial additives as items to avoid — and showcases healthy, nutrient-dense foods we are encouraged to eat.
Critics of the revised guidelines, largely Democrats, say the emphasis on saturated fats from red meat and full-fat dairy ignores decades of evidence linking them to heart disease — they argue that some ultra-processed foods should be banned altogether.
Supporters, largely Republicans, praise it as a common-sense approach that prioritizes whole foods, while retaining the freedom for people to make informed decisions about what they put in their mouths.
All I know is I will do my best to eat fewer Girl Scout cookies this year.
You see, in 2021, 8-year-old Girl Scout Lilly Bumpus sold a record 32,484 boxes.
I was her only customer.
Find Tom Purcell’s syndicated column, humor books and videos of his dog, Thurber, at TomPurcell.com. Email him at tom@tompurcell.com.
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