I always love it when I get email from the NRA. But this morning, I received an email from the NRA that was truly special. It warmed my heart and I’ve re-printed it in its entirety for all my beloved readers:
“Dear Mike Adams: Thank you for ordering an NRA Gift Membership. We appreciate you sharing your interest in protecting and preserving our Second Amendment rights and promoting safe, responsible gun ownership.
Your credit card will be billed for $35.00 for a 1 Year Membership in the National Rifle Association with "American Rifleman" as your magazine choice.
Your online Gift Membership Application will be processed as quickly as possible!
If you have any questions regarding your gift order, please email us at email@example.com. Or you may call our Toll Free Membership Account Information Hotline at 1-877-NRA-2000.
Again, thank you for sharing your support of the NRA, NRA Membership Services.”
Until recently, I didn’t know I could give NRA memberships as Christmas gifts. I had never really thought about it until long after I got into a very nasty spat with terrorist professor Bill Ayers of the University of Illinois – Chicago. Readers will recall that my unpleasant exchange with the pipe bomb making terrorist was making its rounds on the internet around this time last year.
But Bill Ayers, seemingly feeling the Christmas spirit, decided to make amends with me on November 27th of this year. He sent me a Facebook “friend” request in an effort to bury the hatchet. I wasn’t very gracious in my response, which follows in its entirety:
“Sorry dude, I'd rather spit in your face than be your friend. You are a filthy sub-human terrorist pig. Do I make myself perfectly clear?”
Obviously, that was a very mean and un-Christian thing to say – even to a terrorist sociopath. But Christians aren’t perfect. And this “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven” non-sense really doesn’t go far enough. We need to repent of our sins. So I decided to repent by going online and searching for a gift for Bill Ayers.
While I was surfing the net, I saw an article accusing Tiger Woods of an affair with a porn star. That made me think about the time someone was offended by an anti-pornography article I had written. The offended party retaliated by signing me up for a subscription to Playboy and having it sent to my office. I gave the Playboys to a lesbian professor as a show of good will. Sometimes it’s better to extend an olive branch than to offer a fig leaf.
And that’s what gave me the idea to sign Bill Ayers up for the NRA. I found all of the information needed to fill out that application on the University of Illinois – Chicago website. Within weeks, issues of the NRA’s “American Rifleman” magazine will go right to his office. Signing him up cost my organization
For years, liberals have been denying that Ayers is a terrorist while falsely accusing NRA members of being terrorists. Now that Bill is in the NRA, Leftists will have no choice but to admit the following: Bill Ayers is an unrepentant terrorist!
Getting Leftists to admit that Bill Ayers is a terrorist is not my only motive for making Bill Ayers an NRA member. I want to change his heart and ultimately his political leanings.
Seventeen years ago, I was a leftist atheist with strong socialist leanings. Then, on December 11, 1992, one of my fraternity brothers was shot and killed along with his girlfriend Tiffany. Shortly thereafter, I decided it would be better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it.
Being a gun owner helped change my worldview, slowly but surely. It taught me the importance of learning to fend for myself rather than beg the government to come to my aid. I used to say “Give peace a chance.” Now I say “Give me a piece, and give me a chance.”
I think there may be hope for Bill Ayers. Perhaps he’ll become a dedicated member and convince his friends that it’s wrong to try and ban handguns. In return, we’ll let them keep their pipes and nails.