I don’t know how many times I have to say this because I’ve been around for a while, and I’ve seen this same thing happen again and again and again when squish GOP senators try to negotiate with the Democrats about immigration. I know it’s meant to bully mental defectives, but when it comes to the GOP Senate caucus, that rule does not apply since some of its members apparently cannot learn from experience and must learn through pain. Here is a message to you, spineless Republican senators….
Stop trying to do immigration deals with the Democrats.
This same sorry scenario gets replayed over and over again. Some soft, bipartisan-curious GOP senators try to hammer out a deal with the donkeys, get hammered but don’t know it, and then try to convince the party faithful to swallow their latest dog’s breakfast of a proposal. It always ends in humiliation. Immigration is the graveyard of Republican careers. Remember when Marco Rubio was a fresh young voice of the future of the Republican Party? And then he got wrapped up in an immigration compromise and now he’s a footnote to an afterthought. Don’t be Marco. Certainly, don’t be Lindsey Graham.
Stop trying to do immigration deals with the Democrats.
You’re bad at it – very bad. I know that the Senate is full of lawyers, but you’re bad lawyers because you wouldn’t be in the Senate if you were good lawyers who knew how to negotiate. You make terrible deals. If I made deals like you, I’d be driving a 1994 Yugo held together with duct tape and COEXIST bumper stickers.
Stop trying to do immigration deals with the Democrats. They always end up stealing your pants, and you end up hanging from the high school flagpole by your undies.
Now, we see that the only reason you’re talking about any immigration deal at all is not because you’re concerned about zillions of foreigners swarming across our borders. The Republican Party’s billionaire donor base loves it, so you secretly love it. Of course, this is the same clique of political geniuses who think Nikki Haley is a great fit for the 2024 GOP because she doesn’t mind mutilating kids to conform to their Munchausen mommies’ delusions, does whatever woke corporations want and likes wars. The donors love open borders because they are thrilled by the thought of tens of millions of semi-literate peasants ready to toil for them for scraps and pennies. And for reasons that are beyond me, you guys care what these idiots think because you think their money matters. What have they spent their money on that resulted in a victory lately? How’s President Nikki working out for you?
No, an immigration deal is really a way for you to try to get what’s really important to you, which is money for foreigners to defend their borders. Now, it’s nice for foreigners to defend their borders, but it’s existential for us to defend our borders. And unfortunately for you, the Republican base knows this. I am baffled why Mitch McConnell would stand up and say that Ukraine is the most important issue facing America when we’ve got pretty much the entire Third World flooding across our southern frontier, but that mindset is where you guys are at. Stop being in that mindset. It’s stupid. And it’s going to get us destroyed in November if you keep going on with it.
Stop trying to do immigration deals with the Democrats.
For some reason, you think if you throw us a few magic beans, we’ll be thrilled and let you spend endless money on far-away Slavic standoffs. But we don’t want magic beans. We want a giant wall. And we want that perverted, desiccated, corrupt 108-year-old moron masquerading as our president actually to enforce the law. We don’t need new laws. We just need him to enforce the old ones. And we need you to make him do it by refusing to spend money on anything else, not just funding foreigners’ firefights until he does.
But you don’t want to do that because it’s hard. You imagine that if you huddle with a bunch of staffers and come up with some secret compromise akin to the compromise that hillbilly presented to Ned Beatty in “Deliverance,” we’re going to clap like train seals and eagerly allow you to write your blank check to Kyiv. But that’s not going to happen. We’ve seen this movie before. You always get rolled. You always get taken. You always screw it up.
Stop trying to do immigration deals with the Democrats.
Banging something out in the backroom bowels of the Capitol is a terrible idea because you get in an echo chamber where you think that your total capitulation is really a savvy compromise, that it’s going to thrill your voters. It’s not. We know it sucks already, even if you don’t know it sucks because you suck. Every single time, you come out and proudly announce to the world that you’re going to let the Democrats pants you in public and expect us to cheer, and then you are stunned when we boo your proposed total capitulation.
Stop trying to do immigration deals with the Democrats.
Now, we don’t know what’s in your border bill right now, but we know what isn’t. There’s not going to be a wall. There’s not going to be an enforcement of our laws. There will be nothing for us and everything for them, and you will tell us, “Well, utter surrender is the best we can do.” Well, apparently, it’s the best you can do. Astonishingly, leaks say that you guys might allow 5000 – that’s five and three zeros – foreigners to wade across the Rio Grande every single day. Now, I know you can’t count because you work for the government, and therefore, you are presumptively stupid, so let me help you. Every month, that’s about 150,000 illegal aliens. That’s a big number. I know you have trouble counting past 21 without taking off your shoes and your pants, but trust me, 150,000 a month becomes 1.8 million illegal aliens a year. Oh, and the leaks say you are also allowing zillions of other foreigners to legally come here in vast numbers, even though we can’t handle the foreigners we have. Did you know about 59% of aliens, both legal and illegal, are on welfare? OK, we don’t need more bums that we have to subsidize. We have plenty of American bums to subsidize.
Stop trying to do immigration deals with the Democrats.
We don’t need a deal. We need the Democrats to capitulate, starting with Crusty in the White House enforcing our existing immigration law. So give them nothing. No money. For anything. Not a dime. That’s using our power. I know they’ll cry. I know they’ll be sad. The regime media will say mean things. But it is the Democrat constituencies who are the social parasites who need the government funding. Just stop funding everything until Biden enforces the law. Fund nothing. Yes, I know that we need a military, but we don’t have one right now anyway. So a bunch of generals who’ve never won a war won’t be able to organize a drag show because they’re not getting paid. That’s called a feature, not a bug.
Do not present us with a plan that doesn’t have a wall and doesn’t have total enforcement of the immigration laws with ironclad enforcement provisions. Everything needs to be notwithstanding other laws, so they can’t sue to stop you. There has to be a grant of standing for states to sue to enforce the laws. And there has to be a cut off of any kind of aid the second the border reopens. Good gosh, this isn’t hard. But it seems really hard for you guys. I attribute that to the fact that, and I want to be charitable about this, a lot of you are really stupid.
Stop trying to do immigration deals with the Democrats.
You’re not smart enough to pull it off. Just say no to everything until the Dems comply. What’s the worst case? We have a wide-open border, and we’re not spending money on other people’s wars? That compares favorably to the present situation, where we have a wide-open border, and we are spending money on other people’s wars.
I’m going to say it one more time because you haven’t listened when you failed again and again and again, but maybe you will now.
Stop trying to do immigration deals with the Democrats.
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