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OPINION
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Once Again, Never Talk to the Cops

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/Jose Luis Magana, File

The disgraceful frame job against Donald Trump teaches us many lessons – including that the country we used to live in is, if not dead, in a coma – but perhaps the lesson of most practical use to all of us in the crosshairs of political persecution (and even routine prosecution) is that you never talk to the cops.

Never.

Not to help out.

Not to clear up the big misunderstanding you’ve gotten involved in.

Not because you are a good citizen.

Never.

Shut-up, assert your right to remain silent, and demand your attorney.

Repeat after me: “I invoke my rights. Stop talking to me. I want my lawyer.”

Every. Single. Time.

This applies equally if you are guilty or innocent – in fact, more so if you are innocent because nothing has done more to jam up innocent people than those naïve, innocent people trying to explain their innocence. The cops are all Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive, except less butch – believe them when they say “I don’t care.”

They don’t care. So shut the hell up.

Now this common sense rule goes for every lawman, lawwoman, or in the case of the pride flag-waving modern FBI, lawnon-binary. But let’s focus on the FBI because this aspiring Stasi is not the sparkly collection of model-attractive and diverse (Look, there’s one of the team in a wheelchair! Hey, that one is a Maori and there’s another wearing a burnoose!) special agents fighting for justice that mindless network TV viewers see on “FBI: Woke Squad.” It’s a cheesy collection of gender studies majors and striving bureaucrats selected for the job because they can be relied upon to hate people like you – Christian, patriotic, not Democrat. Even other cops detest the FBI for its shady antics and unearned self-regard.

The idea that law enforcement is against us normal people is hard to swallow, but swallow it anyway. That’s how it is now. We are honest people. We want to help. We want to believe that law enforcement are the good guys. Once upon a time, they were. But wake up – that time has passed. These are not fighters for freedom but grubby Democrat catspaws. Many of them are essentially DMV clerks with badges and guns who will not hesitate to ruin your life. Look at the FBI’s track record of late. When they are not kneeling in solidarity with BLM, they are launching SWAT raids against people for kneeling in prayer at abortion clinics. They chose a side, and it is not ours. They are not your friends and they will do can do anything to hurt you. No, it was not always this way, but it is now. 

So don’t help them. Remember, like all government bureaucrats, these are mostly lazy and unaccomplished people with delusions of competence. The quintessential modern FBI agent is not TV’s Inspector Erskine; it’s Robert Hansen who sold out his country because he did not feel he was getting his props. But they have an endless budget and they do not care if they wreck your life. In fact, they enjoy it.

So, repeat after me: “I invoke my rights. Stop talking to me. I want my lawyer.” 

Film it if you can. One of their little tricks is not recording interviews – any interaction with them is an interview – and this frees them to transcribe whatever they want later. Am I saying the FBI will lie? I don’t have to. From the Boston scandal where they framed four guys for murder to the FISA warrant perjury, the FBI has demonstrated its commitment of honesty. And it’s on par with Bill Clinton’s commitment to his marriage.

What’s the big deal anyway? First, anything you say truly can and will be used against you. As a trial lawyer, I understand that your explanation of what happened will almost always change slightly every time you tell it. That’s not necessarily intentional or deceptive – it’s perfectly normal – but it sure as hell will be portrayed as deceptive by the fuzz. This is a reason they ask you the same thing multiple times, to get you to seemingly change or contradict your story. It doesn’t matter that maybe you remembered something new that you inadvertently left out before, or corrected something you were unclear about before – they will use it to argue that you are lying.

Second, there is a specific statute, 18 United States Code § 1001, that provides (in pertinent part) as follows:

(a) Except as otherwise provided in this section, whoever, in any matter within the jurisdiction of the executive, legislative, or judicial branch of the Government of the United States, knowingly and willfully—

(1) falsifies, conceals, or covers up by any trick, scheme, or device a material fact;

(2) makes any materially false, fictitious, or fraudulent statement or representation…

So, what’s that mean? Well, basically that that they can charge you with a crime if they say you lied to them or even “concealed” the truth. And they charge it every chance they get. Both Donald Trump and his aide got hit with it; almost everyone dumb enough to talk to them gets hit with it. Note that it applies even if the victim did not commit the underlying crime. It’s a process charge. The penalty is five years, so it’s a great bludgeon to force guilty pleas on otherwise innocent folks. 

Again, this is not to protect liars. This is to protect innocent citizens from being falsely accused of being liars. How do you avoid getting framed for making a false statement? Don’t make any statements.

Trump’s aide did. General Flynn did. The FBI guys came by, all informal, just chatting, and the victims tried to help. They helped themselves to a criminal charge.

Never help.

The Founders put a right to remain silent in the Constitution for a reason. And while the ruling caste the FBI serves is trying to tear down the Constitution, the right against self-incrimination remains (for now). Use it.

So, repeat after me: “I invoke my rights. Stop talking to me. I want my lawyer.”

Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. Get Inferno, the seventh book in the Kelly Turnbull People's Republic series of conservative action novels set in America after a notional national divorce, as well as his non-fiction book We’ll Be Back: The Fall and Rise of America.

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