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OPINION

Awesome Actual Diversity Among GOP Candidates Owns the Libs

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/Mary Altaffer

Liberal "diversity" is stupid and evil, and we should utterly reject it. It's based on the origin of grandparents and other meaningless box-checks involving stuff like genitalia and genitalia preferences, and it has resulted in a grim uniformity in the kind of humorless pinko dorks who make up the Democrat candidate roster. What a bunch of stiffs, socialists, and schmucks. But the kind of diversity Republicans are demonstrating is something totally different. It has nothing to do with what continent their ancestors came from, what religion they adhere to, or even how they pee. It's conservative diversity – nominating a broad range of exceptional people with unique skill sets leveraged for maximum effect. And we're making it happen this election cycle.

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For example, look at the Senate roster we might well have come January. Bad candidates? These guys are remarkable, especially compared to the unaccomplished Karens, woke weirdos, and posing weenies the Democrats are trying to shove down voters' throats.

Let's start with Dr. Oz. He's a TV star, sure, but that means he connects with people. He was poor and made himself rich – and from my conversations with him, that love of the American dream will bring an understanding to the Senate that we need in order to be the party that helps people get rich, or at least prosperous and secure. Plus, he's a cardiac surgeon – maybe having some more people who know a little about medicine might help us avoid "COVID II: Everybody Wear Your Groin Mask to Prevent Monkey Pox."

His opponent? The commie wife of a mutated ogre who not only was a parasite to his parents but has a parasitical lump on his neck. Perhaps Fetterman can provide the perspective of the mentally defective in the Senate, but frankly, the world's most tiresome deliberative body has that demo covered already.

In Arizona, we have Blake Masters, a brilliant entrepreneur with an understanding of business and tech. I met him recently, and this guy knows the score on technology policy and modern business. He's smart, and we can use the smart perspective as opposed to the dumb one. We ought to be grateful Blake will take the cut in pay and prestige to join the Senate.

His opponent? Mark Kelly was an astronaut. Unless the Senate is being shot into space – which I'm all for, BTW – that's not super-useful. Admittedly, the short shuttle pilot does check the diversity boxes for Hobbits and Biden submissives.

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How about Herschel Walker? We're told he's dumb by the same people who have utterly screwed up our country over the last couple of decades, but there's no need to defer to their intimate personal familiarity with being stupid. Listen to Herschel. The guy is all heart and love for others, even obnoxious folks who trot out horrific racial tropes. He's a genuinely good guy. A guy who overcame a tough past, including mental illness. We want a guy with that character and that experience in the Senate. He doesn't need the heartache or hassle. He wants to help. That's why he's running. We need guys like that.

His opponent? The Right Reverend Evicto, who would live by Jesus's word if Jesus had said, "Boot thy tenant from thy crappy apartment if ye tenant falls short $30 in rent."

In Nevada, we have Adam Laxalt, a personal friend who I watched get up before everyone and work past when everyone else crashed during the election fight. He has a young family, and he served as a Naval officer. His roots in Nevada are deep – he knows everyone and everything that is going on. And he's smart – this is a guy who knows how to dig in and cross-examine and get to the truth when the Senate once again starts performing oversight on the Biden Regime instead of tongue baths.

His opponent is a non-entity whose name I can never remember.

JD Vance was a Marine, a tech guy – gee, tech would seem to be a topic we need to address good n' hard – and he famously grew up poor. I think the Senate could benefit from a few guys who grew up with plastic spoons in their pieholes instead of silver ones.

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His opponent? Tim Ryan, whose inspiring life story is one of a guy who has spent his entire life either as a legislative staffer or a legislator. A lifelong politician is the opposite of diversity. It's adversity – for us.

Speaking of silver spoons, we are likely to see Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts replace the useless Ben Sasse when he finally goes away in the next couple of months. I had a lot of doubts about Ricketts until I heard him on the "Ruthless" podcast, thinking him both a family, wealthy, rich guy and a moderate. He's probably softer than me – everyone is – but what was important about him is his business experience and his focus on using business management principles to make government work better. That is invaluable.

And others bring great stuff to the table. Eric Schmitt in Missouri is an attorney general who has waged a legal battle against Big Tech and the Biden administration, but who also has a special needs son. His opponent is some rich lib lady dilettante. Tiffany Smiley in Washington nursed her wounded warrior husband back to health while General Bolduc in New Hampshire killed jihadis. Their opponents? Both are up against generic Chardonnay wine women who vote for whatever bit of pinko nonsense Schumer tells them to. 

Joe O'Dea in Colorado was a contractor and built stuff. Sadly, for reasons that baffle me, he chose to pick a fight with Trump. His opponent is a sissy city boy when half of Congress is already sissy city boys, so if he somehow overcomes his wang-stomp, he will be useful.

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And Mike Lee, who is super smart, has an opponent – that vendor-shafting dork McMuffin – who was so obnoxious in their debate that an audience of mellow Utah people booed him. 

Look at that GOP lineup. Not one is there for any reason other than what he or she has done and who he or she is. You have hard skills from folks like Oz and Ricketts. You have bureaucracy fighters like Schmitt. Master and Vance know tech and know how to rein it in. Smiley and Bolduc both love the (real) military but also know the price of war and will provide a check on Bill Kristolian chickenhawk adventurism. Herschel Walker will bring heart to the caucus. And Mike Lee is a constitutional scholar.

I don't want a Senate made up entirely of tech guys, crusading lawyers, military guys, or ex-athletes on a mission to help others. But I want some of all of them, together, on our team. And what's the alternative? A bunch of prissy snobs telling you their pronouns and shrimping the toes of every pinko with a blue check. They are all the same.

We're diverse.

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