Opinion

Let’s Give Free Money to Gender Studies Majors

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Posted: Nov 19, 2020 12:01 AM
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Let’s Give Free Money to Gender Studies Majors

Source: AP Photo/Lynne Sladky, File

I’m a strong supporter of the idea that a theoretical President Badfinger should decree that $50,000 in student loan debt just vanishes for everyone tried of the hassle of paying back what they owe. Chuck Schumer, who apparently never saw that “I’m Just a Bill” cartoon on Saturday morning in the ‘70s, thinks the desiccated old weirdo could do it if he is actually inaugurated. I just hope our newly Roberts-irrelevant Supreme Court doesn’t nix such a constitutional atrocity should the stars align and Mr. Stumbles tries it. It’s not that I want to reward the knuckleheads who spent way more money getting a degree in Marxist Puppetry than they might ever earn fetching lattes for successful people. Rather, I want to inflame the righteous fury of responsible citizens who actually paid their debts in order to flush these people down the sewer.

Go on, make a bunch of people who sweat when they labor fork over their hard-earned money so Kaden and Ashleigh don’t have to work two jobs for a while to pay for what they bought. It already looks like 2022 is going to be a bloodbath for Democrats but this would mean an apocalypse.

Follow along with me.

“Hey Congressman Durwood, I worked 15 years to pay back my student loans and now I should pay for someone else’s too?”

“Yes – you need to understand that paying back the money they agreed to pay pack is really a hassle so it’s easier if you do it for them.”

“Wait, what?”

“Well, you sure can’t expect millennials to have to work an extra job or give up luxuries to save money to retire their debt. No, you should work an extra job and give up luxuries to retire their debt.”

And it gets even better when it’s someone who didn’t go to college at all.

“Wait, I did not incur a huge debt by taking a four-year academic vacation on some leafy green campus. I was actually working. And now you want me to pay for their campus party time?”

“Yes, and you are selfish to not want to subsidize their choices. And you are probably racist too.”

See, I want this to happen.

I want to heighten the contradictions. Should the election challenges fail, I want to increase the cold fury that the stolen election has already engendered and get people literally foaming at the mouth with anger. 

Making normal people pay for the bad choices of dumb millennials seems like just one of a number of potent ways to tick off the mass of normal Americans. Even a lot of the saps who voted for Biden because Drumpf sent mean tweets might find that their fussiness fades when they realize that the corruption of a Biden administration will be a litany of graft that dwarfs the contents of his crack-addled son’s computer.

Nothing really says “modern progressive” like the idea that we should toil so a bunch of spoiled, smug, unaccomplished brats don’t have to.

I have long had an innovative plan designed to address the issue of huge student loan debts. It is elegant in its simplicity. Here it is: Pay your own damn debts.

But since Biden seems interested in making other people do that for these saps who went in 200 large on their bachelor’s of woke degree, let’s at least put the howling rage that people who were responsible and are now being treated like chumps feel. Let’s use that powerful energy to purge liberals from any position of authority where they can cause more damage in the future.

Now, once we retake power, we should undecree the freeloader decree. After all, if you can Harry Potter wand-wave debt into oblivion, why can’t you wave that wand again and bring it back? Since we appear to be making the Constitution up as we go along anyway, that shouldn’t be a problem.

But let’s not stop there. Let’s destroy academia. I mean level it. It’s a commie conformity factory that generates idiots while providing subsidies to the worst people in the world – academics. Student loans are a giant scam designed to let universities charge more and more and more while delivering less and less and less. They are super spreaders of woke communism, and it’s time to flatten the curve. Let’s sow the quads with salt. Campus delenda est.

Let’s look on liberal stupidity as an opportunity, an opportunity to destroy it once and for all. After all, there’s nothing that makes people hate liberalism like experiencing it.

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