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I Cannot Handle All This Winning

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.

Perhaps the greatest thing about one of our side’s many decisive victories last week – and there were a lot of victories – is that now liberals have to refer to my friend Ric Grenell as “Ambassador.”


Or better yet, as “Your Excellency.”

But it isn’t just that America got one of its best diplomats – finally – on the job in Germany, that obscure, insignificant Upper Volta of Europe (I am a conservative traditionalist, so Burkina Faso will always be Upper Volta). It’s that in fighting his confirmation, the Democrats again highlighted their moronic intersectional hypocrisy to voters who may have forgotten what idiots they are.

"You know, respect for women and for people of different views and whatnot are essential for an ambassador, anywhere in the world," announced noted advocate for women Senator Robert Menendez, who allegedly focuses his advocacy on underage women in the Dominican Republic. And, of course, the silly likes of Chris Murphy – he’s the Connecticut Democrat senator who’s merely a clown, not one who is a pretend war hero – huffed n’ puffed about how Ric insulted women, in part because Ric was mean to Rachael Maddow. But everyone should be mean to Rachael Maddow. That’s a plus.

Anyway, Ric is gay, and this was all some sort of lapdog whistle to the Democrat base to let their latent homophobia run free with the notion that gay men are gay because they hate girls, or something. But libs can’t escape the truth: Donald Trump just appointed the highest ranking openly gay officer in the federal government – and he’s a conservative Republican.

And that’s just one win. There are so many. Even the losses, like the sad withdrawal of Admiral Ronny Jackson from his nomination to head the VA, have a silver lining. The people of Montana, who hate cowardly and craven mean girl antics, will no doubt punish that flat-topped Senate creep Jon Tester at election time for his scummy lies about an outstanding American warrior.


How about North Korea – no biggie, right CNN? Time for another couple hits with Stormy Daniels’s lawyer about how the wizened stripper is finally going take down Trump. Don’t look at the men behind the curtain making peace in Korea. Nothing to see. Gee, looks like Trump is making it rain, only with peace instead of singles.

The Democrat foreign policy cabal is coming unglued as Trump notches another triumph. I would sure hate to be Obama latte-fetcher Ben Rhodes right now, but then I can’t be him because I never worked in an administration that kissed the mullahs’ collective Khomeini and that was unable to get North Korea talking about denuclearization. Also, I am not a failed novelist.

The Russia collusion thing is dying a slow, agonizing death, but not before the investigations reveal the stunning depth of corruption of Obama’s regime. It’s only a matter of time until Andy McCabe rolls. And please James Comey, you looming doofus, keep running your mouth.

There’s so much winning. Besides Ric, we got Mike Pompeo in as Secretary of State, and Mitch McConnell is confirming judge after non-pinko judge. Every Trump judge is one less black-robed activist who thinks that the Constitution makes it mandatory that you taxpayers chip in to kill babies but that it has nothing to say about your right to keep and bear arms.

Speaking of killing kids and the need for every free citizen to own multiple modern rifles and ammo and be proficient in their use, formerly Great Britain has provided several cautionary examples of what a world run by Democrats would look like. Someone called Count Dankula got convicted of a crime and fined for saying words the elite disliked. Another thoughtcrimminal got jailed for eight month – eight months of his life in prison – for flipping off a traffic camera, and then the Brit Stasi went on Twitter to brag about it and to threaten the sheep into submission. Worst of all, because his parents had a bad attitude about the UK’s single payer system deciding to kill their son, the Brit government decreed that the parents of Alfie Evans could not take him to Italy to try to save his life. The National Health Service finally got its wish and killed Alfie; that’s what the government can do when it rules sub jects instead of serves an armed citizenry. Think about that the next time some liberal scoffs about “death panels” and your crazy ideas about not giving up your guns so you can resist tyranny.


If any good is to come out of this fascist atrocity, it will be to wake people the hell up to the future if the Democrats take power. And libs can’t let the truth get out. Did you notice that not-at-all-creepy gun-grabbing kid disappeared from your TV screens just about the same time that the NRA announced that American patriots had set donation records for giving to America’s foremost civil rights organization?

We’re winning so much they gotta spin our wins. The economy is running at 2.8% growth – not enough! Well, then just wait until next quarter. Tariffs? Our opponents are folding. Unemployment is in freefall, and people are dropping off of the food stamp program – this is a tragedy for liberals, because they feed on those who need handouts. Remember: Good news for Americans is bad news for Democrats.

We won the special election in Arizona, which the left spun as a loss because the victory there was not as victorious as Trump’s had been. But we all know that the Democrats were super-motivated this year to once and for all stop normal Americans from having any say in their own governance. Because liberals have stopped hiding what they really want to do, like disarm us and imprison us and kill us, Normals like us are starting to get motivated.

So is the fact that so many squishes are throwing in the towel. Trump is the cleanser. While in DC the Fredocons are panicking about a blue wave, out in America we’re not seeing it. With the generic ballot gap narrowing, pretty soon Paul Ryan is going to start regretting leaving Congress to spend more time with his high school-age kids.


Hi Ryan kids, I'm here to hang out with you.


Do you kids like the Def Lepperd? It rocks.

Mom, make dad go back to Congress.

But perhaps the most culturally significant win involves Kanye West and someone called Chance the Rapper, who apparently needs to be distinguished from Chance the Poultry Inspector and Chance the Proctologist. Chance the Rapper morphed into Chance the Wuss when he kind-of sort-of backtracked about his thoughtcrime of saying “Black people don’t have to be democrats,” but whatever. This is still huge – major black celebrities are refusing to be told what they can and cannot think and are actively pushing back against the backlash. And there’s a ton of backlash – the Democrats cannot afford to lose their lock on the minority vote – but minorities are now openly asking the question that terrifies liberals: “What have you done for us lately besides run your Chardonnay-guzzling mouths?”

Don’t be down. Don’t be discouraged. We’re winning. And somewhere, in a dark room, Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit sits sucking down tumblers of Canadian Club and dreaming of the American Venezuela that might have been.

So smile, and try to endure all this winning.

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