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Seven Things Conservatives Should Be Thankful For

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.

If you listen to the nattering nabobs of social media negativity, and you shouldn’t, you might get the false impression that our dreams of a conservative future are imploding. You would be wrong. There is a lot for conservatives to be thankful for, and we’re winning. To paraphrase noted tax reform advocate Wesley Snipes in Passenger 57, always bet on red.

No. 1: Be Thankful That Hillary Is Not Our President.

Every day, it is a joy to awaken, unlike Hillary Clinton, without a hangover. Oh yes, and also to awaken knowing that Felonia von Pantsuit is not, and will never be, our president.

Can you imagine if she were? She is as vindictive as she is stupid, which means instead of ripping apart the regulatory state, she and her nanny-gestapo army of obedient aspiring liberal fascists would be sliding their slimy tentacles into every aspect of our lives. Do you think the GOPe would even resist? The weenies in Congress would jump at the chance for WaPo glory by embracing “bipartisanship,” which means giving that corrupt harpy everything she wants in the name of “cooperation” and “reaching across the aisle.” Amnesty, tax hikes, gun grabs, speech bans – it would all be on the table. Freedom, not so much.

But because of Donald Trump, with the support of normal Americans, winning the election against all odds, none of that is happening. Savor our victory. And give thanks for Hillary’s pain.

No. 2: Be Thankful That We Now Know The Truth About So Many “Conservatives.”

Besides defeating the chardonnay-swilling Mayonnaise Chavez, Donald Trump’s other great achievement has been to cause so many prominent Fredocons to show who they really are – and it isn’t “conservative.” It’s remarkable how many peeps we thought were solid revealed themselves to be narcissistic hacks focused only on preserving their pathetic sinecures within Conservative, Inc. Exhibit A is Cruise Director Bill Kristol, who turned out to be much more worried about empty cabins on the sinking S.S. Weekly Standard’s lido deck than actually making conservative change. He flat-out defected to the enemy and was last seen pushing for a Deep State coup. After all, the establishment is gonna establishment.

But stay with me. Not all Never Trumpers are phonies; some actually believe in conservatism and are simply strategically confused. We are in the fighting phase now, and not everyone has the stomach to make the choices you need to make when you are grappling to the death in the Octagon. In the midst of our fighting, we have to sometimes prioritize, and yes – some traditional conservative values and ideals do need to get put on pause. As adults, and as people who have been in fistfights, we get that mindless purity leads to pure defeat.

The Captain Stubing of Conservatism exemplifies the loser class of GOP frauds who actually preferred Hillary because Trump’s supporters are so…well, you know, not Harvard material. Oh, and also because a Hillary regime would have been a great opportunity to pretend to lead the conserva-resistance and cash-in with profitable events like chin-stroking panels starring conservative firebrand activists such as Jeff Flake, Ben Sasse, and Chet the Unicorn. Let’s give thanks that the marks caught onto the grift.

No. 3: Be Thankful For Neil Gorsuch.

We are going to take back the judiciary. That’s huge and it’s already happening. When the Never Trumpers try to mock our delight in having President Trump at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue by saying “But Gorsuch!”, our reply must be, “Damn right, but Gorsuch!”

Consider the alternative. Do you have any doubt, any at all, that a Clinton court would discover that the Constitution’s penumbras and emanations mean that our right of free speech, our right to practice our religion, and our right to keep and bear arms, don’t actually exist? Any doubt at all? Well, be thankful that we’ve put that particular nightmare on hold, at least for a while.

No. 4: Be Thankful That Conservatives Have A Voice.

Between social media and conservative media that has not gone full liberal – never go full liberal – we have ways to organize and communicate. That was not always so, and they are under attack now, but we at least have them. Fox is strong, and OANN, NewsMax and Rebel Media, to name a few, are out there. Townhall.com delivers two dozen disparate conservative voices every day. Others update you on chem trails and lizard alien overlords, but you know, at least you have options.

The media allows us to bypass enemy gatekeepers; we don’t have to ask anyone’s permission to publish awesome conservative pop culture that infuriates the stinking liberals. Sure, social media outlets like Twitter are getting increasingly hostile to dissenters from the leftist paradigm, but we do have a Republican Congress and many Republican state legislatures that have the ability to regulate them into submission if the California tech tycoons think they can shut us up. If they imagine we’ll just sit back and let them use their political power against us without using ours back, they are nuts. So, be thankful that we can still be heard – and that we have the power to deal with those who would try to silence us.

No. 5: Be Thankful We Have Fewer Perverts Than The Liberals.

Yeah, we have problems. Roy Moore selfishly remains in what was once a sure-thing race. But when he (probably) wins, it’ll be because the Gropeocrats tossed him a life preserver in the shape of a coke-addled hack from Minnesota. Those “Senator Jailbait is the face of the GOP!” ads are gonna fall a little flat in 2018 when we haven’t seen resignations from Senator Stuart Smarmy and Senator Hung Jury.

Just be thankful we don’t have the problems liberals have. We conservatives always knew that liberalism was a giant scam designed to allow elitists to take power and exercise it without accountability; the left has now decided to make sure everyone knows it. From Kennedy to Clinton to Franken, from Fatty Arbuckle to Fatty Weinstein, liberal bona fides earned them a lifetime of free gropes…until now. Now liberalism is being exposed as the giant lie it always was.

Yeah, statistically some Republicans are going to be creeps, but that doesn’t define them the way it does liberal icons. What matters is that now everyone sees the truth that liberalism is a lie, and we should be thankful for that.

No. 6: Be Thankful For Dogs.

Because dogs, which are the most conservative of pets, are cool. Especially Bitey.

No. 7: Be Thankful That We Have All The Guns.

Yes, we normals feel a certain tranquility knowing that, no matter what happens, at the end of the day, the liberal fascists can’t actually make us do anything we don’t want to do. As Mao noted, “Power grows from the barrel of a gun.” Mao got that right, if nothing else – the fact that the people of the United States retain the right to defend themselves from the kind of leftist oppression we’ve seen in Venezuela and other hellholes liberals swoon over during their short Potemkin village visits means that the only way they get their way is if they convince us to go along with it. They can’t make us do anything, and it gnaws at them.

Nope, Kaden and Ashleigh the baristas are unlikely to gear up and start the hard work of taming us uppity normals. Their only weapon system is whining, and until we see a 62 grain tweet with a lead core and steel penetrator that flies over 900 feet per second, they aren’t imposing anything on us without our consent. Freedom is measured in calibers, and We the People retain our citizens’ veto over their serfdom-focused schemes no matter how much the gang from Team Progressive stamps its collective Birkenstocks.

So be thankful for what we have, and never surrender. We’ll win.

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