Republicans fear a repeat of 1992, with a squishy Bush at the head of the ticket watching helplessly as some populist businessman/novelty act hands the election to a Clinton. But Democrats should fear the far more likely repeat of 1968.
Ah, the 1968 convention … just thinking of it brings a smile to the face of every normal American. Let’s start with hordes of Chicago cops kicking the psychedelia out of dirty hippies. Footage of all-American flatfoots clocking VC-flag waving pinkos with nightsticks is more erotic than a hundred “Fifty Shades” books. Just thinking about it makes me want to light up a Marlboro and cuddle.
Then there was the fun and games inside the convention hall – nothing like blue stater on blue stater fratricide to quicken the pulse and put a spring in your step. That glorious intramural warfare led to a Republican president. It may well again in 2016.
Back in 1968, the Democrat Party was divided between liberals who loved America and liberals who hated everything about it. The situation is a little different now, with today’s Democrat Party divided between liberals who hate everything about America and liberals who really, really hate everything about it.
The delightful scene at Netroots where Martin O’Malley was forced to do penance before a jeering crowd of washed-out undergrads for the sin of saying “All lives matter” was a harbinger of the future. The Democrats are on the verge of being sucked into their own vortex of progressive insanity that will bar them from any chance to reach out of their psychotic echo chamber to normal Americans. It serves them right.
Hillary doesn’t need this. Her poll numbers are plummeting – gee, who would have thought that a corrupt, condescending, commie shrew might be unpopular? Hillary is America’s First Wife, a sour, sexless, disapproving presence eager to spend the next eight years telling us all how we are failing to measure up to her exacting standards.
She’s also what passes for diversity among the Democratic candidates, and then only because she is one of those woman women, the kind of woman that has woman DNA and not just a whim to be a chick today.
Of course, while she started out thinking the whole XX chromosome thing was going to win it all for her, the freak show that is her base decided to go off-script and force the Democrat candidates to pretend that the activists aren’t all stark raving mad. That’s why Hillary is simultaneously trying to suck-up to the activist community you’d think a Democrat would have nailed down while also keeping the hell away so no one can jump on stage with her and ask her terrifying questions like, “So, do white lives matter?”
That’s why she hides where she knows she will be safe from unwelcome questions and unplanned queries – behind the mainstream media, where she’s among friends and allies. She’ll just try to make sure they photograph her carrying a copy of that new Ta-Nehisi Coates book all liberals have to buy and pretend to read.
For the last few years, the progressives have tried to behave themselves and not totally embarrass Barack Obama – much like the filthy hippies did when they tried to go “Clean for Gene” McCarthy in 1968. Of course, Obama largely ignored them and their demands until the last mid-term was over and it didn’t matter much anyway. Now these jilted jerks are determined not to make the same mistake with Hillary. Poor Hillary – she wanted to talk about glass ceilings and spend her Goldman Sachs cash right up until she moved back into the White house and suddenly she’s faced with a much more boring, 2016 version of the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test.
Yes, if she wants to keep ahold of her base and any chance of winning, Her Highness is going to have to try to decipher the ever-changing cryptography of leftist priorities. Do black lives matter more than brown ones? How about if someone has a limp … is that worth a couple extra points on the oppression scale? And what about LGBTQ lives – how much do they matter with respect to Pacific-Islanders lives? And is the acronym “LGBTQ” even enough, or is she unforgivably forgetting several more letters representing other oppressed classes of esoteric gender identity contortionists and exotic sexual practitioners?
But turning on Team Social Justice Fascism means turning off the normals. Hillary wanted to be reaching out to regular Americans and now she has to kiss up to millennial twerps with 500,000 Twitter followers who babble about “privilege.” Regular Americans are going to be super excited to hear how they are morally deficient solely because their great-great-great grandfather hailed from Stuttgart.
And that whole War on Women thing is going to fall a little flat now that Hillary’s allies got caught on tape swilling cabernet and giggling about their war crimes. Despite what those in her little circle of abortionophilics think, normal people are disgusted and appalled at the thought of a tax parasite organization supplementing its government subsidies by dismembering babies and auctioning off the chunks.
Nineteen sixty-eight was the year normal Americans saw the Democrats for what they were, and that’s the danger for them in 2016 too – that normal Americans will be reminded about what a circus of welfare-chiseling, race-obsessed, work-averse, baby-shredding freaks the Democrat party is.
So keep fighting for purity, Democrats – your painful cramming to pass your dozens of litmus tests is going to provide us with endless amusement. And don’t worry about us Republicans – it’s actually pretty easy to pass ours. You’re disqualified if you have ever given money or a medal to Hillary Clinton. After that, we can talk.