Conservatives Must Break the Establishment’s Rules

Posted: Jan 27, 2014 12:01 AM

Have you noticed how the Establishment invents a lot of special rules that only seem to apply to conservatives? Have you noticed how these rules always involve preventing conservatives from winning? And have you noticed how these rules never, ever seem to apply to our enemies?

Take the imbroglio over Wendy Davis, the pride of Harvard Law School and the scourge of fetuses everywhere. Turns out her story of pulling herself up by her stiletto straps was a bit more complicated than it initially appeared. And by “a bit more complicated,” I mean it appears to be a miasma of distortions, omissions and outright deception.

That is, if the left wing mainstream journalist who wrote it is accurate. I mean, we can’t know for certain if the older, established husband she married was telling the truth when he said she dumped him – and her kids – the day after he finished paying for that Harvard Law School education we keep hearing about, nor can we know if his initial legal claim of adultery was accurate.

Apparently now it’s unfair to mention the possibility that Wendy Davis, who expects the citizens of the Lone Star State to trust in her character enough to elect her governor, might be a gold-digging user who tosses aside those closest to her when they become inconvenient to her personal agenda. That would seem important information to know about someone I was being asked to rely upon to represent my interests.

But remember, “sexism” is holding a liberal woman to the same standards of integrity as a man. Think of the MSNBC coverage if Sarah Palin – who was raked over the coals for keeping her child – was accused of a tenth of Wendy’s perfidy. They’d probably even preempt Lock-Up.

So we conservatives are supposed to be silent about the faux heroine in tennis shoes who valiantly fought against the peril of babies being born, about the women whose face launched a thousand Manhattan fundraisers, about the newest feminist icon and symbol of just what a woman can do when her soon-to-be ex is writing the checks.

The rules say we must to be silent, that talking about her is somehow not understanding women’s stories. Gosh, the last thing we’d want to do is not understand a woman’s story, whatever that means. We better just sit, quiet and obedient. We’d better obey the Establishment’s rules.

Their rules. The rules that keep them in power. The rules that didn’t apply when the NYT ran a barely sourced hit piece on John McCain’s alleged affair during his campaign. Those rules.

Nah. The hell with their rules. Wendy Davis sounds like a terrible person who will treat her constituents with the same disregard that she treated her kids and I’m glad there’s a conservative media out there to do the job the mainstream media only does on conservatives. Wendy Davis is the power-hungry, hypocritical, elitist face of modern liberalism.

There’s another rule we didn’t hear about until Chris Christie stopped haranguing conservatives long enough to explain why his administration thought it was cool to abuse the public for its own personal amusement. Apparently, we’re supposed to offer our credibility in support of Christie in his time of need. He’s a Republican you know, and the rules say that when a Republican moderate needs conservatives, we conservatives are duty bound to come running.

Vice versa? Not so much.

So we’ll get right on that.

Trusting in Christie not to stick us in the back by having some new revelation come out right after we stand up for him seems like a solid strategy. We can totally expect Christie to repay us with support and loyalty in the off chance that no Twitter direct message surfaces reading “Sure hope the toll lane closure I ordered doesn’t slow up the Dominos guy.”

Just ask President Romney about Christie’s loyalty.

The Establishment’s rules also require that we stop demanding that Republicans who claim to be conservative act like conservatives, support conservatism and, you know, be conservative. The rules are there because this short-sighted insistence by conservatives on conservatism is somehow certain to prevent the success of conservatism. We conservatives are just too unsophisticated to understand that true conservatism will only be achieved by a strategy of surrender, compromise and acquiescence to expanded government power.

Don’t fight amnesty! Don’t you know that by fighting amnesty you’ll ensure that people who will never, ever vote for us will never, ever vote for us? Of course, defeating amnesty also means they will never, ever vote for our opponents either, but that subtle insight doesn’t seem to get much play.

Don’t get upset that Republicans went along with slashing our active duty military retirees’ pensions! Don’t you know that the path to political success involves trashing the only subset of governmental employees that has both a moral claim on a decent pension and generally supports Republicans? The smart play for the GOP was picking on vets instead of any other beneficiaries of a government that pays money to losers for sitting on their ample bottoms watching Judge Judy all day, that hands out piles of cash to Democrat green energy fraudsters, and that funds bizarre performance art projects that combine flag desecration, hot fudge and sodomy.

The rule for conservatives is to sit down, shut up, and write checks – except at election time, when they need us to come out and man phone banks, walk precincts and vote, vote, vote for the smug jerks who will later huddle with their buddies in D.C. bars laughing at how dumb we rubes truly are.

The rules say we need to just sit and take it. But we need to tell the Establishment geniuses what they can take their rules and do, and they won’t be able to do it sitting down.