"I think it's important for victims to come forward. I also think it's important to remember that Duke Lacrosse and UVA happened." -- Matt Walsh
Since the Harvey Weinstein case broke into the news, we’ve been deluged with stories about women who were sexually harassed, raped or molested in Hollywood and elsewhere.
This is not a bad thing. Let me repeat that: this is not a bad thing.
Exposing abuse to sunlight is the best way to stop it. Moreover, if we didn’t have a prohibition against cruel and unusual punishment, I’d be okay with rapists being impaled on a sharp stick. Using a position of power to pressure a woman into sex or more creepily, into watching you do vile things to a potted plant is gross and criminal.
That being said, a lot of men are leery of the glut of accusations going on right now. This is something a lot of men think, but don’t want to say because they’re afraid they’ll catch flak over it. However, if you are a man, there are things that catch your attention about this wave of sexual harassment complaints that the opposite gender may not initially think about…
1) We keep defining sexual harassment down: If a boss tells you to sleep with him or alternately to watch him shower (ugh….creepy) to keep a job, we can all agree that’s sexual harassment. The further we get from that kind of standard, the less we’re going to agree. Telling a crude joke, having a swimsuit calendar on the wall or a man putting his hand on your shoulder might legally qualify as environmental sexual harassment, but it’s all bullsh*t. Many women may think they deserve money because of those things, but a lot of men think if they can’t handle that, then they’re too delicate for the work force. We’ve even gotten to the point where a 93 year old man in a wheelchair with Parkinson’s pinching a woman’s butt and telling a dirty joke is considered traumatizing sexual harassment. It’s a joke, but it’s not funny.
2) Sexual harassment is often dependent on the feelings the woman involved has about the man doing it: How can we have a “crime” where the standards vary based on how attracted the “victim” is to the “perpetrator?” Asking a woman out a second time after she turns you down if she likes you? Persistent. If she doesn’t? Creepy harassment. If a woman catches you staring at her and she finds you attractive? He’s into me. Awesome! If she doesn’t like you? Creepy harassment. Telling an edgy joke if she likes you? He’s so funny! If she doesn’t? Creepy harassment. What constitutes sexual harassment can feel like an iffy, ever-changing standard to men.
3) Men have to be the pursuers: This may come as a shock to the unfamiliar-with-human-mating-rituals, sign-a-permission-slip-for-every-step-of-the-make-out-session liberals who control college campuses, but men and women do not fill the same roles.
Women tend to sit back and give ambiguous signals about whether they’re interested or not. Men have to interpret those vague signals, flirt back and decide whether or not to make a move. As they become experienced with women, they get hip to the game, become better at interpreting these signals and get a better idea of when to be subtle and when to be overt. When they are young and inexperienced, it’s not so easy. Keep in mind that we live in a world where more than a few men are so clueless about how to talk to women that they think sending a picture of their crotch to a woman they barely know will somehow lead to sex (PS: Guys, don’t ever, ever do this). How many “sexual harassment” complaints are just inexperienced guys making childish, awkward attempts to get a woman to like him?
4) Many women do lie about rape and sexual harassment: Men understand that women are afraid they won’t be believed if they say they were raped. This is a real problem. Unfortunately, it’s a problem that’s caused by the many women who lie about being raped. There are prominent examples (Tawana Brawley, the Jackie Coakley Rolling Stone case and the Duke Lacrosse case), lots of male students who’ve been punished for rapes that didn’t happen in Title IX kangaroo courts, and damning statistics that in some cases show as many as 40% of rape claims are false.
When people say, “Women don’t lie about rape,” they are very, very wrong and when you realize as a man that you could be the potential target of a lie like that one day, it gives you pause. That same woman who’s laughing along with a joke, happily having sex or flirting shamelessly with you today may be crying her eyes out, claiming to be traumatized and accusing you of doing something very wrong tomorrow in hopes of getting a sexual harassment settlement in court. Keep in mind that as I write this, Scottie Hughes is currently suing Fox and claiming she was “raped” by Charles Payne despite the fact that she admits that they had a two year long affair afterwards. If you are a man, all this makes you a little nervous because there is no foolproof defense other than avoiding women as much as humanly possible.
5) The latest round of complaints about sexual harassment are shot through with man-hating: There are lots of normals who have been sexually harassed and have talked about it lately, most prominently on the #metoo hashtag on twitter. That’s a good thing.
What’s not a good thing is the man-hating that has gone along with it. There are an almost infinite number of examples I could give of it, but the sad comments of neutered, liberal half-men, saying what they think liberal women want to hear on the #HowIWillChange hashtag do the best job explaining what’s wrong with this mentality. The #HowIWillChange hashtag was a response to the #metoo hashtag. The comments were a combination of men “bravely” condemning the sexual assault and rape everyone already opposes, self-hatred and liberal feminist ideology. This is what men are being told they have to embrace to be free of the stigma of sexual harassment and “rape culture.”
Men, #HowIWillChange means acknowledging all men are potential rapists. The ones that aren't have gotten rid of their toxic masculinity.
I'm late to this but #HowIWillChange is by recognising when I'm mansplaining & just listen to women speak uninterrupted.
By calling objects ‘she’ (boats, cars, bikes) men are indirectly objectifying women #HowIWillChange 4/n
Should all men change to create a safe environment for women? We're talking #HowIWillChange on @AJStream in 5 mins
#HowIWillChange When I interview for jobs, I will ask how many women executives are in the company, and what the pay gap is.
#HowIWillChange taking responsibility for and unlearning my OWN toxic masculinity and calling out sexism when I see it.
What men should take from #metoo campaign is not that the women in their life need more protection, but that the men need re-education.
My reaction to this is summed up by this tweet.
So it appears #HowIWillChange is a lot of men basically saying they are responsible for assault even if they don’t assault anyone.
Thanks, but no thanks.
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