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OPINION

Dear Republican Congress, Give Obama and His Boys Everything They Want

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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A cigar aficionado and amigo of mine named Irwin penned a note to the Republican Congress the night after Obama got elected for four more years of this slop, and I thought I’d pass it on to you. Check it out ...

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Dear Republican Congress,

As a conservative Republican I am begging you to give president Obama and those who voted for him everything they want.

They want higher taxes on the rich and companies. Give it to them.

They want higher capital gains taxes that will hurt their investments. Give it to them.

They want a system that will make Medicare insolvent by 2024 and Social Security insolvent soon after that. Give it to them.

They want policies that will lead to constant double-digit unemployment rates for minorities and young people. Give it to them.

They want an educational system that entraps the poor in failing schools. Give it to them.

They want higher energy prices. Give it to them.

They want to spend trillions of dollars fighting global warming while China and India continue to tap oil and coal. Give it to them.

They want 20 trillion dollars plus in debt. Give it to them.

They want the Obamacare penalties to kick in next year. Give it to them.

They want a larger, more powerful Washington DC. Give it to them.

They want a more secular society that is increasingly hostile toward religion. Give it to them.

They want a more “fair” society run by bureaucrats. Give it to them.

They want socialist cronyism. Give it to them.

They want to go down the road of Europe. Give it to them.

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In addition to the aforementioned, I say that we legalize weed from sea to shining sea. Wait ... not just weed but acid. Think of how creative everyone could be and how it would distort the Obama voters’ reality from the truly sucky conditions his policies have created. That’s what you call a bona fide two-fer, folks. You’re welcome.

Oh, and we mustn’t forget cocaine and heroin legalization. And bath salts! How could I forget bath salts? Bath salts help spice things up during an unemployed weekend! Calgon’s calling. Nothing like dumping drugs into a culture of entitlement. I can’t imagine that going south.

Yes, I join with my friend Irwin and say that we give it to them and find out once and for all who is right. If we are right, they will have no one to blame but themselves, and maybe we will finally get true change in this country and in the Republican party so that we have a real choice in the years to come.

If we are wrong, then so be it. I will gladly repent of my evil conservative ways and become a socialist … I mean Democrat.

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