The Detergent Church: Progress Through Resistance

Posted: Jun 07, 2008 8:23 PM
The Detergent Church: Progress Through Resistance

As much as I think a lot of the American “churches” are about as useful to God as a pitch pipe is to Yoko Ono, I’m not completely depressed by this dilemma. Matter of fact, I’m pretty giddy as the emails have started to pour in from readers from around the globe who are sick of bland Nancy churches lead by lame “leaders” who are driven by cash, carnality, convenience and culture rather than Christ. The revolution could be on, ladies and gents, and more than likely, my beloved, it will be televised.

Yes, the natives are getting restless, and it appears that if some pastors, churches and denominations don’t cease their dining with el Diablo that the faithful are going to blow out of there and seek greener, more godly and gospel faithful pastures. Be afraid, feckless vicars. Be afraid.

For example, this past week at Brad Stine’s “GodMen” event in Nashville I spoke to and met with a couple hundred sharp, solid and smart men who are looking for genuine Christianity that is real, raw and righteous. They are concerned that our culture is headed down the crapper while the church continues to take a nap, eschewing the vital issues that are slaying us while we sleep. This was a nice testosterone shot to my spirit: The warriors are indeed alive and well and asking all the right and wrong questions.

I believe that the adjustments the church must make can no longer be based on what equals temporary crowd growth and cash flow but what equates cultural transformation which could mean, pastor, that you thin your crowd Gideon style.

The deep BS our nation is currently slogging through is no game, folks, and if the church does not wake the heck up and prophetically realign based on holy need, not ecclesiastical greed, then we are screwed and will have no one to blame other than ourselves because, supposedly, we have via the Holy Spirit the power to change things if we get on the same page as God—and yet we twiddle our thumbs. Herein lies the rub: Are we going to continue, for whatever reason, to maintain the business as usual churchy course we’re skipping down, or are we going to cowboy up, clear the table and get down to what needs to be done, as Christians, to alter our nation for God?

Well, I for one ain't playing, and herewith is my third installment regarding what I think the church must do in order to be a holy player in our current culture war. Check it out . . .

1. Get men who dig being rowdy back in the pulpit.

2. Could we have some sound doctrine, por favor?

3. Preach scary sermons (at least every fourth one).

4. Get rid of 99.9% of “Christian” TV.

5. Quit trying to be relevant and instead become prophetic contrarians, I’m talking contra mundus, mama!

6. Put a 10-year moratorium on “God wants you rich” sermons (yeah, that’s what we need to hear nowadays, you morons, more sermons about money, money, money!).

7. Embrace apologetics and shun shallow faith.

8. Evangelize like it’s 1999.

9. Push lazy Christians to get a life or join a Satanic Church.

10. Demand that if a Christian gets involved in the arts that their “craft” must scream excellence and not excrement.

5. Quit trying to be relevant and instead become prophetic contrarians, I’m talking contra mundus, mama!

Y’know, it gets kind of wearying watching choir boys trying to be some holy version of James Dean in a lame attempt to appear cool and thereby sell Christ and Christianity to uninterested postmodern pagans.

Hey Church kid, I appreciate you wanting to look hip and not come off as Urkel, as well as your desire to introduce blasé and/or bellicose unbelievers to Moses and Jesus. To be honest, it’s refreshing to see Christians morph in this direction as many Christians look creepy and, truth be told, a lot of them couldn’t care less if bad people dropped into hell. Therefore, any stab to wash the unwashed while looking GQ gets major kudos from moi, my brother. Giddy up.

However, the problem I have with these NSYNC Christians is that many of them go too far in trying to be effective and groovy and toss out the very thing that enacts true transformation of both souls and society, namely . . . the truth! In particular, the offensive aspects of the truth. You remember that old stuff don’t ‘cha? All the things that rub us the wrong way, slay us at our very core and radically tick us off? Remember that?

Here’s my advice to all you “relevant” boys and girls: Make sure when you are overhauling your wardrobe, urbanizing your vocabulary, gelling your hair to new heights, switching from Dunkin Donuts coffee to Starbucks, and praying to Jesus what appendage to pierce next and where to place another tribal tattoo on your white, skinny arm that you don’t dispense with the offensive aspects of Christ’s credo, for it is here, all you Justin Timberlake believers, that the truth truly sets men free.

A Detergent Church will try to be as timely as possible and look as smart as possible, but you’ll never find us sucking up to culture and removing the sting of the truth’s tail because the true church and saving truth are forever, contra mundus, and here lies our total commitment, namely not to culture, but to God and Christ. If we want godly changes then we have to realize that righteous realignment comes not through seeking to be relevant, which ironically often leads to irrelevancy, but through righteous prophetic resistance to the ubiquitous bad ideas society is yielding up. Yes, the Detergent Church isn’t so much interested in being au courant as it is in being gospel correct.

As far as I’m concerned, the church/Christian that wants to be a profitable asset verses a pain in the arse will not 86 the disturbing truths of the gospel just because our shallow and cheeky culture doesn’t dig ‘em. As much as it is a believer’s duty to become all things to all people and not be removed freakish monks stuck in an ecclesiastical time warp, it is first and foremost the Christian’s duty to stand for God—which means a good chunk of the culture ain’t going to like you, more than likely. This isn’t a big deal, however, at least to the culture warrior who loves God and this country. Why? Well, for one reason, they’re not whiners, and secondly they understand that true progress comes through resistance.

The final installment will be next week …