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OPINION
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Kamala Scrambles for Cash From Suckers

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AP Photo/Ronda Churchill

The Kamala Harris campaign is beating the Democratic Party’s donor base to death with fundraising emails in a desperate scramble for cash. They seem to think they can make someone uniquely awful into a viable option for people if they simply throw enough money at it. No amount of money will ever be able to polish that turd, but there will be a lot of other people out there who do fall for it, and a whole bunch of them will fall for the garbage Democrats put out there to raise cash…because they’re suckers.

Doug Emhoff, Kamala’s husband and the father of her stepchildren (she has no children, not marrying till she was 49), is now being used to sucker people out of their hard-earned money. 

Emhoff, a rich lawyer who, along with Kamala, managed to amass a net worth of millions through “public service,” is begging blue-collar Americans for their money to subsidize their lives. 

“Derek,” one email opens, like we went to high school together, “it’s Doug Emhoff. In my role as the first-ever Second Gentleman of the United States, it has been my greatest honor to watch Kamala and President Biden lead this country and deliver results for working families.” Must be nice to be on the government teat to pay for your life, then you’re immune from inflation these Democrats created. No wonder they so desperately want to hold onto their jobs.  

It continues, “Day in and day out, they have built our country back after Donald Trump left it in shambles -- making historic progress in reducing prescription drug costs, upgrading our roads and bridges, fighting climate change, and more. We are stronger today than we were four years ago.” 

Do you feel “stronger” or better off than you were four years ago? I can see why a wealthy man whose family is living off taxpayers would – pretty much everything is taken care of for him by us – but the taxpayers ourselves sure as hell are not.

When housing is paid for by the people, the explosion of housing costs not only does not bother you, but you don’t even know they exist. 

“But our fight is far from over, Derek,” Doug continues (I feel like I can call him Doug since he doesn’t know me at all and is addressing me like we’re golfing buddies), “As Kamala has said before, these are not ordinary times, and this will not be an ordinary election. She needs people like you by her side to win. That’s why today I am humbly asking: Will you donate $25 -- or whatever you can afford -- to support Kamala’s campaign for President of the United States.”

“Whatever you can afford”? Sure, $25 will no longer fill your gas tank or your fridge thanks to Kamala Harris and Joe Biden, but it ain’t nothing. That’s a lot of money to ask for as a floor, even with the “whatever you can afford” bit allowing for smaller donations like they’re doing you a favor. 

Dougie (because screw them) writes, “Your support helped send Kamala to the White House in 2020 -- making her the first woman, the first Black American, and the first South Asian American to be elected Vice President.” You’d damn well better not say she was a DEI hire, but you also damn well better celebrate her diversity, even though she really only talks about being South Asian when it’s politically convenient, getting much more mileage out of her being part black. “Your support helped Joe and Kamala take our economy back from the brink and create more than 15 million new jobs. (A lie, naturally.) Your support helped Joe and Kamala lower costs for working people -- all while making corporations start to pay their fair share. (Costs of what? Only someone living in an air-tight bubble would think this, and only because they’re suffering from oxygen deprivation.) Your support helped Joe and Kamala pass the first major federal legislation on gun violence in decades. The list goes on and on.”

He concludes, “I hope my point is clear: Your support has helped make all of this possible. (Considering I’ve never given them a penny, nor would I, don’t pin any of this crap on me!) And it’s your support that we're counting on to send Kamala back to the White House. (Technically, no one sent “her” anywhere near the White House; they sent Joe.) Can I let Kamala know that you stood beside her when she needed it most? If so, rush a $25 donation now by clicking here. (Yeah, no. Tell you I said to get bent.) I'm so proud of Kamala -- and I know you are, too. (You don’t know me at all.) I hope she and Democrats everywhere can count on you today.  Thanks,  Doug.”

Thank you, Doug, but no, I want nothing to do with you, your wife, or anyone in your party. But thanks for asking. 

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